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My ex did not grapple with race, at first because he did not have to, being a white man in America, and later because it frightened him. This difference was a small but steady river that ran between us, and the more he tried to ignore it the more I clawed
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…The black tax is the price blacks (and other minorities) pay in our daily lives because of racial stereotypes…Even though inherently unjust, the black tax has one silver lining — it keeps the fate of black “haves” indissolubly wedded to that of bla
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…Real disabled people, when they do appear in public, become less attractive, abnormal versions of the disabled people we have learned to look at, in the same way that fat women have become the less attractive, abnormal versions of women…
Lyonside wrote:
Re: the Race and Dating issue..
I JUST had this conversation w/ my husband yesterday. He “passes” for white, most likely Italian to an outsider, and he knows it. He mentioned that he grew up w/ the occasional “what are you,” i.e. well, if you’re not white, what are you then? I countered with the idea that fine, some people may guess he’s Latino (and if they know his last name, then, duh), but that would be coworkers, aquaintences, schoolmates, etc. It wasn’t written on his skin, on his face, in the same way as my ethnicity is. He doesn’t HAVE to deal with it if he doesn’t want to.
Me? I do, plain and simple. It’s not a big deal or even a deal-breaker, but it’s something I don’t mind reminding the spouse about every now and then…
Posted 03 Sep 2006 at 10:00 am ¶
Francis wrote:
Regarding race and dating,
The author comes to a radical decision, but I agree with her: if, passed a certain age, a potential partner is not educated about race, then it is certainly not our task to educate him or her.
As a mixed person, I want a partner who doesn’t have issues with my roots, and I will not waste time teaching someone how to appreciate me for what I am. That’s something she should already do.
Posted 05 Sep 2006 at 3:33 am ¶
gatamala wrote:
I agree Francis. I’m 30 and completely open to relationship w/ a white man. [*NOTE: i’m focusing on white men b/c that’s the focus of the article I’ve had an IR w/ a MexAm man - diff experience]. However, I will not, as I put it, teach MINORITY 101.
Posted 06 Sep 2006 at 10:33 am ¶
bertie wrote:
Very interesting IR dating article. I think the author did go overboard by swearing off white men forever. . .as black man I don’t like hearing women claiming they’re done with black men just because they had a few bad experiences–so I can relate to the white guy feeling like he’s paying for the actions of a few others.
The article was particularly interesting to me because I rarely hear of the internal negatives of IR dating. All relationships have negatives, but when it comes to IR it seems you only hear one narrative from the folks in them and that’s that the only problem in their relationship is the narrow mindedness of others. And I can understand this because with so many external negative force working against IR couples (ie assumptions that the individuals are sellouts, or only in it for sexual curiousity, etc), why would folks in an IR relationship add fuel to the fire by discussing internal hardships in the relationship.
But it is refreshing to read an honest assesment of a specific IR relationship that doesn’t have the us against the world-love conquers all-we’re in a colorblind utopia-everybody else has the problem–narrative I usually hear. I think this article reflects that IR relationships (while possibly presenting unique issues) are on the same level of all other types of relationships, flawed works in progress that are generally hit or miss.
Posted 07 Sep 2006 at 5:00 pm ¶