LL (a Level 47 MMW contributor!)
In the latest issue of Audrey, the “Asian American Woman’s Lifestyle Magazine” - Cultural Collage: What’s In A Face? Part II

Last time, we looked at how your forehead and eyebrows can predict your quality of life from the age of 15 to 40, based on the Asian art of face reading. Here, we look at what your eyes and nose may be saying about your character, love life and financial stability.

The eyes reveal your intelligence and attractiveness to other people.

Large eyes are generally considered more favorable.

-Large eyes are associated with intelligence, astuteness, honesty and loyalty. An adventurous person, you dare to take on new assignments and are never afraid of a new challenge. You usually lead a very successful career, which will bring you money and fame. Male or female, people with large eyes are very attractive to the opposite sex.

Oh, is that right? So basically the message here is if you’ve got “small eyes” you’re the stereotypical demure Asian person who fumbles about while if you’ve got big ol eyes, you’re the toast of the town?

-Those with small eyes tend to gravitate toward regulations and discipline. You’d rather follow the rules set up by others than try to explore new territory. You focus on details, so much so that you often miss the big picture. You dislike seeing other people succeed in your field so you try hard to surpass them. Once you’ve made up your mind, you’ll do whatever is needed to reach your goal, although sometimes that may be in the wrong direction.

This goes on an on for a bit while they look at “upward slanted eyes,” shapes of noses (which is a little less offensive) and so forth. However, it’s important to note that they do (at the end) say that this entire thing is just for “entertainment purposes” and “should not be read or used for any other reason” because these are all excerpts from Tri Lam’s Encyclopedia of Chinese Astrology.

Bad news is, this isn’t funny and this isn’t entertaining. Horoscopes that tell me to be careful of old foes this month? That’s entertaining. Fortune cookies that tell me i’ll receive a large cash windfall? Even more entertainment. Racial face politics with big eyes and small eyes and the completely made-up connotations attached to it? Not so much. More after the jump…

I’m all for tradition and maintaining the cultural practices and whatnot (including astrology) but I draw the line when it gets into racist beauty standards territory.

Throw in the already existing world of gold-fish eyelid plastic surgery which as we all know is hugely popular in parts of Asia for Asian women where “squinty” eyes are seen as ugly and then you’ve got something in very, very poor taste considering the cultural context.

I’d like to hope that this was all just a huge editorial slip-up and that some rogue intern at Audrey busted loose and inserted this ridiculousness, but I doubt it. But in all seriousness, I sincerely hope that some young impressionable girl doesn’t read this and feel even worse about her eyes because on top of all the overall racist media images in the world, there’s this junk she’s presented with. For shame, Audrey. For shame.

At least there’s an interview with Maggie Q of Mi3 fame. And what’s more, in a shocking upset, it seems as if the writer strayed away from the stereotypical “exotic jewel of Asia: she’s caught in the middle of two worlds!” line of questioning and stuck with Q’s rising film career.