Too tired to deal with angry black women

JC
diary of a tired black manThis looks like it’s gonna take us back several steps. NPR features a clip from and conversation about the upcoming flick, Diary of a Tired Black Man. In the clip, a woman’s ex-husband shows up to pick up their daughter for a visit — but the pick-up isn’t easy — the woman and her friends pounce on him and call him weak for being with a white woman. Of course, he would only pick a white woman because he is too weak to deal with strong black women. :( His response is less than stellar. First he points out that he was never attracted to white women before — almost confirming that he should indeed feel bad about it, and then explains that he is just tired. Tired of the drama that black women bring to the table. If this isn’t chock full of the same old streotypes, I don’t know what is. This movie looks tired all right…. :|

This page also features an interview with Tim Alexander, the filmmaker, as well as some audio clips of his thoughts on the film.

First-time filmmaker Tim Alexander, who enjoys being provocative, says there’s a disease out there that he calls the “angry black woman syndrome.” He says it must be identified, diagnosed and treated.

Alexander believes African-American women who grew up in fatherless homes, hearing their aunts and grandmothers saying black men are no good — and hearing that opinion reinforced in the media — are now angry adult women.

“They grow up, deal with the wrong men, finally meet the right guy and don’t know how to turn it off,” Alexander says. “They are so used to fighting; it’s the only way they know to have a relationship. So when a man is a good man, they think he’s a punk.”

Ew. I just checked out the film’s official site. They are trying to market this film as the answer to Waiting to Exhale: “Now it’s the black man’s turn to exhale.” I *try* to leave myself open until I at least see the actual work, but so far, this has all the necessary ingredients to turn me off! :|

Trackbacks & Pings

  1. July 2006 New Demographic Newsletter at New Demographic - an anti-racism training company on 01 Sep 2006 at 1:47 pm

    […] A clip from a home-made film titled Diary of a Tired Black Man has been making its way around the email circuit, so much so that even NPR did a story on it. Jen takes a look and finds that it’s another tired attempt at fanning the flames of the supposed war between black men and black women. […]

Comments

  1. Bakari wrote:

    Yeah, this is very disturbing short film. I saw it on YouTube. It tries to exploit a long running issue between Black men and women. It plays on stereotypes about white women preferring Black men, or that White women are easier to get along with.

    Plus, it just plain knocks down Black women who have been the backbone of the Black family. I really can’t understand the how Black female actresses agreed to perform in the film. It’s an attack on Black women.

    Just like Waiting to Exhale, this film just exploits the issue and seeks to get some quick attention and money.

    Posted 12 Jun 2006 at 10:51 am

  2. lemure wrote:

    This is ridiculous. Even despite some no good men in Waiting to Exhale, they all end up with Black men at the end! And in Something New, they didn’t use the excuse that the Black man sucked and that’s why she went with the white guy. In fact, the Black man was absolutely perfect, she was just in love with another man that happened to be white.

    Beyond ridiculous, there are plenty of Black men (I’m a woman) who love Black women, but we are just hearing more and more for the insecure ones that say they date interracially because Black women drove them to it. Its insulting to ALL women. If you love someone of another race, then you are supposed to love them right, not run to them as 2nd choice. And to those morons that keep saying the Black woman is evil, just remember who your mother was/is. Oh, yes that same single Black woman that raised your ungrateful selves. I’m sorry, but I really see this as a Black American problem. I’m Caribbean, of multicultural heritage, and identify as Black. I’ve never heard Caribbean men speak of Caribbean women in such a fashion, but since I pretty much grew up here, I take umbrage as a Black woman. Its really serious low self esteem that drives this offensive sentiment and fanning cruel barbs and flames on both sides.

    Posted 12 Jun 2006 at 12:07 pm

  3. gatamala wrote:

    sigh…

    Posted 12 Jun 2006 at 1:29 pm

  4. Ani wrote:

    ok I just saw the clip, and I was honestly surprised that they cast what sounds like a foreigner. Is this because no American Black man would take the role? Do you think this makes any difference? or is this just a comment that Black is Black and culture has nothing to do with it?

    Posted 12 Jun 2006 at 3:20 pm

  5. bertie wrote:

    I think (hope and pray) that there is a silent majority of black men and women who are not caught up in the battle of the sexes hype. If you believed the constant drivel and hype (like this movie and the recent nfl book highlighted on mmw)–black men and women are at each others throats–but the reality I see on a daily basis is the exact opposite. Blacks go through the same relationship bs all folks go through–I refuse to believe–as some would suggest, that there is extra bs when blacks date one another. Popular media, like this movie, definitely does not help this point-even in Waiting to exhale, though interracial dating was not at issue, the black men were very flawed and women mostly victims. And don’t get me started on the Color Purple–black men definitely took a loss with that movie (we were either psychotic abusers or inept weaklings)–and only through lesbianism could black women find soul mates (just kidding…sort of). And Lemure, I agree both black men and women (yes it goes both ways) who claim they are “forced” to interracially date because black men are — or black women are —– need help. Although I must admit, this movie looks unintentionally funny. (ie, bad acting, etc.)

    Posted 12 Jun 2006 at 3:35 pm

  6. Robyn McGee wrote:

    This reminds me of what Wesley Snipes said a few years ago about “not wanting to come home to a nagging black woman” or something like that. His career has never been the same since. Why can’t folks date whomever they want without blaming those they don’t want to date?
    The good news is, black people marry within their race more than any other race. We will survive!

    Posted 12 Jun 2006 at 5:17 pm

  7. Charlette wrote:

    My first question is because I have not seen the film but every film I see with Black men and women, they never get along, the woman is always portrayed as nagging and or ready to kill the first white woman that looks at him From my perspective let me inform you the people perpetuating this fickled image are white people. They can’t let it go, they don’t want the real image of women of color whether African, Spanish, Asian or Hawaiian or otherwise to be just like them. I know for a fact that Black women are articulate, keep their cool under fire, are just as fearless as white women but the white women=world does not want anyone to know this truth. THey don’t want to let go of their first stereotype of Black women because they would have to face yet another contender for the privileged space on earth. Yes, Black men have I believe have had more freedom than Black women in relationships as well as jobs because they are prised more by who else, white women. Women let’s face it is the white woman who holds the cards and when they want to fold them, we’ll be exhaling for ourselves. Why do I say that? Because women of color are wasting too much time fighting each other for scraps from the white world. Get up women, let go of the dominant cultures definitions and re invent yourselves. We can, We Can no matter the heat from SISTAHS because if they give you hard time they are NO SISTAH of yours. Self Esteem is for everyone.

    Posted 12 Jun 2006 at 11:01 pm

  8. eric daniels wrote:

    Come on ladies, you two (the moderators) were all but ready to shove Sanna Lathan into the white dude’s arms and saying that this is forward thinking and a black male who’s tired of being patronized and insulted by this society and it’s opinions of them. So brotha wants to come home to a house with no conflicts with his lady and he beefs on them you people like you get angry.

    Posted 13 Jun 2006 at 2:39 am

  9. Francis wrote:

    “Sleeping with the enemy” syndromeEurope also has its own history of slavery with the colonial era. Even though there are still some heavy superiority complexes amongst the former ruling populations and some inferiority complexes amongst the formerly colonized populations, I don’t think it is comparable to the example discussed here.On September 1rst 1939, Europeans were going to taste what it is like to be colonized.Towards the official the end of the war on September 2nd, 1945, as they were beeing freed from the German occupation, many French villagers set out to publicly humiliate women who where known or accused of having “slept with the enemy”. Their heads were shaven, their clothes torn off and they were beaten up and spat on by an angry crowd.It seems that there is still the same kind of resentment, or at least feeling of treason in some places in the States. A sort of “sleeping with the enemy” syndrome. And it seems stronger amongst the people who have most been affected by slavery and segregation, although it would be interesting to find out how do Asian and Southern American groups deal with cross-cultural marriage and dating.

    French women frequently offered themselves to German troops; perhaps 200,000 children were so fathered.Vinen has a fascinating account of the public torments of women who had their heads shaved in 1944-5 after being accused, sometimes wrongly, of sex with the Boches.Quoted from a review of “The Unfree French, by Richard Vinen” by Kenneth O Morgan for The Independent.

    As a boy Daniel Rouxel slept locked in a chicken coop because his grandmother was so ashamed of his origins — the love affair of her French daughter with a German army officer in occupied France during World War II.Like Rouxel, tens of thousands of these half-German children in post-war France were bullied and humiliated by their families, neighbors and teachers. Their mothers faced public abuse as punishment for sleeping with the enemy….”These children became the personification of the German enemy when the war was over. It was revenge on the innocent,” said Jean-Paul Picaper, who has compiled the memories of some of France’s estimated 200,000 half-German war children.Quoted from Franco-German ‘war bastards’ speak out

    Posted 13 Jun 2006 at 4:24 am

  10. Bohwe wrote:

    This movie should be promoted. This is how black men feel, so they should keep it real. I’m glad this movie is coming out. Maybe this will finally wake black women up to the Real Black Man. Instead of black women getting upset with black men , we need to say, you know what, if you can’t deal with me, I know other men who can . And believe me, other men can deal with black women, if given the opportunity. So, let the movie make it to theaters, I bet the only thing this movie does, is validate, Something New, that black women are better off with other men, and the black man for the most part are so weak, black women need to go to other men. I don’t understand black men, first the whole Wanna Be Thug syndrome, then the whole Downlow drama, and now this movie. Wow, this whole thing just confirmed my opinion of black men, that there aren’t any good black man, well accept for one of my brothers, one uncle and my grandfather, oh but wait, my grandfather was Creole,Black, and Mohawk, who considered himself Indian. Probably because he didn’t act nor behave like a black man. Afterall, he stayed with my grandmother and raised 11 biological children, and 3 nieces and nephews, and one of their friends. He never left my grandmother, never yelled, gave her anything she wanted, and wrote love letters to her, put roses in her hair. On his deathbed he wanted her to go with him, so he could take care of her. Now, my father a black man during his engagement told my mother she was lucky to marry him, because noone else would marry her. He married her, talked badly about her, to her cousin and friends. Marry her only to slap her around, cheat on her, left her when my brother was 6 years old to live with another woman. Mentally and verbally abuse her for the rest of the 41 years they were married. Constantly told her she thought she was better than him. Berated her in front of me and my siblings. Talked about her to people. Stayed out late at night. And when she was on her deathbed , he wouldn’t sell one of their houses to put her in a better hospital, oh and started a friendship with a woman who claimed to be her friend. He didn’t shed one single tear during and after the funeral. And now he doesn’t want me and my sister to have any of her possessions. And has not brought her a tombstone, and she’s been buried 2 weeks now. So, all this is the main reason, i have no love for black men, they don’t want us, and when they do have us, they abuse us. So, let the black man Big Up, a white woman, we are better off without them. Hey any man that sold the richest continent on the earth for some shoe dye, and come calica shells, isn’t that strong to begin with.

    Posted 13 Jun 2006 at 5:18 am

  11. site admin wrote:

    Hey Eric, the reason we liked “Something New” is that it did precisely the opposite of this movie. It didn’t demonize black men or make it seem like black women had to turn to white men because the black men in their lives were so awful. In fact, Sanaa’s black suitor (played by Blair Underwood) was the perfect guy. She just didn’t have that spark with him. Also, the movie depicted plenty of healthy black relationships — so clearly the message was not “if you want to be happy, grab the nearest white man!”

    If you actually see the film you’ll know what we’re talking about.

    It’s just unfortunate that so many films or TV shows that explore interracial relationships end up using the topic as a way to bash a certain group. In the case of this film, “Diary of a Tired Black Man,” it’s an excuse to bash black women.

    Posted 13 Jun 2006 at 5:34 am

  12. Lyonside wrote:

    Bohwe:

    WOW, so not only should people get all their dating, relationship, and race information from the movies, but all black men, black women, and white women are exactly the same?

    I call bull. Get out more and take off the race glasses for a second and see people as individuals first who may or may not participate in some aspects of a cultural stereotype (which is all your race talk is - a cultural caricature).

    Are there good people of all races/cultures/ethnicities/countries? Duh, of course. Are there abusive assshats of all races/cultures/ethnicities/countries? Absolutely.

    Posted 13 Jun 2006 at 7:37 am

  13. Merq wrote:

    Bohwe,

    give it a rest. nobody cares

    Posted 13 Jun 2006 at 7:37 am

  14. gatamala wrote:

    @ed “So brotha wants to come home to a house with no conflicts with his lady”

    radio show caller (click NPR link) “”When we come home, we don’t need that loud-mouthed, self-sufficient, independent macho woman disagreeing with everything we say. We need kind women.”"

    1). What fantasy world is this? This sexist antiquated view of family relationships has never been a part of our reality, nor should it be, nor will it ever be. He Man bringin’ home da’ bacon & his woman cookin’ it up after scrubbin’ floors all day. I’m not about to go through a history lesson. You KNOW better than that. Odds are 90:1 that she’s coming home too and may not want to have any conflicts with this guy.

    2) Soooooo, no white man ever has to “hear anything” from his woman???????????????? Here we go reinforcing notions that women should be subservient, quiet, dependent with no ability/desire/right to articulate any opinion of her own!!!!

    3) Consider the images that the above comments perpetuate. An insecure, self-conscious troglodyte who is threatened by a successful female that uses her brain, can and will articulate her thought/opinions/desires, and lawdhamercy has standards!!!!!! C’mon folks, you can do better than that.

    Lord knows we aren’t the only ones with intraracial issues b/t the genders (see e.g., As.F/WhM or South As issues), it’s just ours have become the current sideshow du jour.

    Hell as an attorney, I’m the antithesis of that clown on the radio show. I’m exactly what he’s talking about!!! :D In fact, I will continue to be LOUDMOUTHED and opinionated and independent so that asshole runs when he sees (or rather hears) me coming!!!!

    I digress…..

    The point that many people miss in this debate, is that most professional Black women have realized that finding a partner of similar educational and financial background who looks like you IS extremely difficult. It is painful to realize and accept that what you imagined as your future is not going to happen. I too assumed that I would marry someone who looked like me. It took me many years to realize what my priorities and values really are. Education is paramount, I am a secular humanist/agnostic (that kinda kills the brotha factor) and I thrive on intellectual debate. What is important to me is that my mate WANT to have someone he can tangle with! If he’s Black, fine we will share a cultural heritage. If not, then we’ll find commonalities in our respective cultures!

    Posted 13 Jun 2006 at 8:25 am

  15. mtevc wrote:

    gatamala…thx for posting what the caller on NPR said, as i was about to throw my radio out the window when i heard that idiot!

    Posted 13 Jun 2006 at 9:48 am

  16. bertie wrote:

    gatamala–I think you read waay to much into eric daniels and the npr caller’s points. There is a HUGE difference between strong & independent and weak and argumentative. Anyone, male or female, who constantly tells me they’re strong and independent remind me of myself at 16 when I constantly told my parents I was grown. Nowhere did eric’s post talk about division of labor between couples–but you somehow equated his comments on having a peaceful home with women having to cook and clean, why? Seems like he’s just asking for basic respect when dealing with one another. Every disagreement doesn’t have to be an argument–and you can win arguments and lose relationships. I think the NPR caller is talking about power struggles that unfortunately happen within any relationship regardless of race. I personally believe that each marriage, relationship, etc must have a leader–not someone to dominate the other–but a leader in the sense that one person is ultimately responsible for the safety and well being of the unit. A person that when the sh$t hits the fan–its their job to see the couple thru it (ie–when my wife and I had to evacuate HOuston for Hurricane Rita, her parents and mine charged me with the duty of making sure she was safe, nobody looked to her to ensure my safety because that is not her role. And, if we had lost every thing in the storm–it would ultimately be my responsibility to make sure that we were safe, had food, a roof over our head, etc. And because she knows I take my responsibility seriously–she gives me a little consideration and allows me to lead.) Now if the woman in the relationship has that role, so be it. But that is a full time job. The problem occurs when the leader only wants the title selectively–whether that be a man or woman who wants to be the leader until that requires personal sacrifice.

    Posted 13 Jun 2006 at 10:14 am

  17. gatamala wrote:

    I always get sucked into this topic and all of its baggage :)

    bertie –

    (Please bear in mind that I have been through this type of discussion before and it always stems from the same ol’ place) I didn’t read too much into his comments. That type of refrain is heard time and again when BM have a specific complaint against BW.

    Yes. I agree with the need for mutual respect. However why does mutual respect rest on the woman not saying anything when he gets home (as if she’s not working - HA)?

    I find ED and the caller’s comments frustrating because they are premised upon a latent Ozzie Harriet type fantasy that never has been our reality. Sheer necessity has forced BW to take the initiative and stand up for ourselves. What, pray tell, is the problem of a partnership?????

    When you talk about your aversion to hearing about “independence” and liken it to infantile behavior I am going to assume that you are referring to the caller’s statement.

    Read that statement carefully, ED doesn’t want conflict. Caller makes a clear statement on gender roles (which undergird notions of division of labor). MACHO = loud-mouthed, self-sufficient, independent, disagreeable (where there’s conflict, there’s disagreement). The opposite - the kind woman - is what he wants. So I ask you, if (in caller’s world) the aforementioned characteristics are macho, unladylike what then, is acceptable? Make no mistake about it, we’ve got sexism a problem.

    [I’m going to give you and ED the benefit and assume you don’t share the same beliefs as caller]

    I understand your concept of the leader, but I respectfully disagree with it. When you speak of leader (& Rita) you’re talking about personal safety tantamount to a commander leading troops. I’m glad you’re looking out for your wife (I’d be willing to bet she looks out for you too :) ). However, I’m very leery of notions of “protection.” They often initially seem benign, but morph into something patriarchal and oppressive.

    When I think of protection of a unit - the unit being US (our relationship) - that responsibility must be shared by both. Not by having the last word nor by silence and acquiescence in the face of common sense in order to soothe someone’s ego.

    The caller did NOT call NPR. He called the Al Sharpton show {barf} during the author’s interview. I know good and damn well that he was talking about BW because he made it in response to a [tired] generalized comment from a BW concerning BM.

    That said, I curse that awful Madea! Who knew that chitlin circuit bullshit would end up on the screen for all the world to gape at!

    Posted 13 Jun 2006 at 2:12 pm

  18. Soca Warrior wrote:

    What was described in the clip, the women calling him weak for dating a white woman, is somewhat evidence that one of a black person’s worst enemies is another black person. It is truly amazing how some black people attempt to pull other black people down for absolutely no reason. Such a set up, is what is hurting black people to a high degree in America. When a black woman degrades 2 human beings for being in a relationship based on nothing, it is a bad thing. It undermines black normalcy, and questions the ability of blacks to find a mate based on personality compatibility factors rather than skin color. Instead some black women will attempt to pigeonhole and limit other blacks into dating only within a race. I find this astounding for a people who come from a background of wanting to break free of limitations.

    Posted 13 Jun 2006 at 7:50 pm

  19. bertie wrote:

    Hey gatamala-sorry to suck you in–but since I already did, what’s one more response amongst friends. It seems that there is no middle ground in this argument–the Sharpton caller implies (i guess, I never did click the link) that all black women are loudmouth naggers, you imply that any man asking for peace at home wants his woman gagged and shackled to the stove. (maybe I’m exagerating your position a little bit) Where did anyone say that peace meant silence or even agreement? You and I clearly disagree and neither of us are silent, but I don’t feel that we’re being disrespectful or argumentative. I respect your position and appreciate your comment–no matter how utterly wrong you are (just jokes). It seems like ED, etc are just asking that it be that way at home.
    All relationships require compromise, so having the man or the woman as “the leader” shouldn’t mean that the other is oppressed. It just means that whatever decisions are made for the unit (no matter who makes them) the leader is the one who bears the brunt of any necessary sacrifice if the decision is bad or goes wrong. Since the “leader” takes the hit for bad decisions (and agrees to sheild the spouse, kids etc from the effects of any bad decision)–she or he should get a little more leeway in what decisions get made. The problem lately is that neither men nor women want to take the negatives of being a leader–but both want the title. Thats my only point.

    Posted 14 Jun 2006 at 10:14 am

  20. eric daniels wrote:

    Bowhe and Gatamala, I think at this time BM and BW have nothing in common expect skin tone at this juncture, We are competitors for resources in this society and ou agendas are different unlike when we were fighting for our civil rights. I think Many Black Women have utter contempt or hatred for Black Men, even If all those brothas did come back and repaired the emotional damage that was done by BM and White Society upon black Women you Black Women would throw it in our faces and call us “pussies” for being so weak. Ladies (the adminstrators) If you heard the interview Mr. Alexander was merely stating what happens in the life of the many Brothas

    Posted 14 Jun 2006 at 4:20 pm

  21. eric daniels wrote:

    Continued, Black Men have enough crap to deal with after dealing with a world and society that wants his utter extinction from this land, to have to come to someone who is supposed to be my partner, helpmate, lover and friend and find that same conflict is just utterly staggering. I think at this point, Black Women have more in common with White Men in values and ambition than with Black Men. So you two ladies can date or marry IR and considering most of you so-called ’sistas’ are always applauding Black Women who Intermarry I am happy for you , one less cranky, pushy, bitter Black Woman just don’t talk negativity about someone you don’t like or date.

    The movie is about a Black Man finding a place where he can rest his heart, Mr. Alexander says he loves and will marry a BW unlike many of you on this site and the nerve of the adminstrators and BW to get mad after 20 years of Black Men being potrayed by the media, majority society, and Black Women as lazy, angry, violent, and irresponsible and to have us to continue to accept is fool’s folly at best. What BW don’t like about that scene that this is many BM lives you can’t win with BW anything you do will never be good enough for them. These are not the Black Women of 1900- 1980, These women need to Interracially date because we have nothing in common with them politcally or socially.

    Posted 14 Jun 2006 at 4:40 pm

  22. anon wrote:

    ^ Yawn!! Whatever!!

    Posted 15 Jun 2006 at 12:28 pm

  23. H.P. wrote:

    about this whole, “nagging black woman” thing, I live in a condo complex in Chicago. With the exception of me and an elderly woman down the hall, all of the the other 9 condos on my floor are occupied by white, working professionals in their mid-twenties to late thirties. (I’m an African-American working professional. ) Last month I was waiting for the elevator and I could overhear a female tenant chewing her boyfriend out over his refusal to help her pay the bills and the groceries. She also complained about his parents not liking her and him stiffing her with a $250 dinner bill the week before. The female in question is white, her boyfriend is white so this whole theory that white women don’t “nag” is completely ludicrous. I have lived in this building for 5 years now and this was not the first time I heard a white female chew out her man.

    Posted 15 Jun 2006 at 12:41 pm

  24. keypad wrote:

    okay, as much as I hate to admit this, on occasion I watch that nanny 911 show on Fox, even though I don’t have kids. A couple of months ago they featured an interacial couple (wife white, husband black). The couple had a 5 year old daughter and a pair of 2 year old twin boys. The husband did seasonal work as a construction worker. During the off season he wouls care for the kids, make dinner and maintain the house while the wife worked. The problem was that the husband had recently gotten a lot of work so the wife decided to quit her job and care for the kids. Only the wife was lazy as hell. She become frustrated whenever the kids would act up, which all kids do. Instead of discipling them she would try and appease them with donuts and cookies. She also didin’t know how to put the kids on a schdule, so at 11pm at night the kids would still be up watching television. When the father was home it was a completely different story…the kids were in order, they were reprimanded when need be, and went to bed at a decent hour. I’m not going to say that the wife’s lack of parenting skills were on account of her race, but I find it curisous that some black men are always trying to depict white women as these superwomen who can do no wrong. The nanny on the show slammed the mother on the show for being a lazy, selfish b**** and commended the husband for being a real man and owning up to his responsibilities. Oh yeah and did I mention that the wife was 39 and the husband 26!!! She was completely taking advantage of that young pup! Sorry to go a little off topic.

    Posted 15 Jun 2006 at 1:03 pm

  25. Bohwe wrote:

    I just wanted to point out that , for all the complaining some black men do concerning black women. Can we be honest about something? Black women have the right to complain, look at our posistion on society. We were the ones getting raped, being bred like cattle,tortured, etc during slavery. Now, we have to face being downgraded by our own men. It’s ashame, and for once can black women defend themselves instead of the black man. We will put his needs above our own and sometimes our kids. We should focus on empowerment. I’m just tired of reading articles about black men writing books or speaking against black women. Why should the world respect us as women, if our own men don’t?

    If the black woman seem angry to this author, did he ever wonder why? And when men downplay their own women, either they be black, white, latino, aisan,etc, it makes them weak, and obviously not man enough to deal. Noone will respect you, if you can’t respect yourself.

    Posted 16 Jun 2006 at 2:32 pm

  26. eric daniels wrote:

    have you ever been raped Bohwe ?

    Posted 17 Jun 2006 at 12:07 am

  27. My My My... wrote:

    Oh eric daniels you’re a fool. So Bohwe has to have been raped for her to have any credibilty, give me break. As a white woman who doesn’t discriminate when it comes to dating, if its one type of man I absolutely REFUSE to date is a black uncle tom. I want a real man, a man who loves me for me not because of some sexual fetish he has or because he mistakenly assumes that I am going to be his nurse maid. So you have had to deal with “crap” in your life. We all have. The struggles you have endured should make you sympathetic to black women and the struggles they endure. I’m assuming that your mother was black, your grandmother, your aunts and sisters (if you have siblings). Your gender is an accident of birth. You could have been born female and if you were would you still be talking such smack?

    Posted 17 Jun 2006 at 11:00 am

  28. mtevc wrote:

    to join the fray…i think this fantasy about the supportive and demure and working black woman who eagerly attends to her man and turns over her cash too to him is a complete fantasy…can’t have harriett nelson (or june cleaver) and then send her off to work too…that’s why mommy is angry (she’s tired)…but i heard some very interesting comments on npr this am in response to npr running the piece in the first place…first, one woman who sent an email into the show, and identified herself as a black woman, said she was disappointed in npr for featured what amounted to non-news and trash in the first place…and she is so right…npr is so lacking in divergent opinions and perspectives from a variety of viewpoints, and this is all they can come up with…a viral video…by some two-bit person…come on…there are more interesting and more important issues out there in the black community…another emailer into the show, who identified himself as a white male, said the “angry black woman” phenomenon is not only a black woman problem, and that he is dealing with and seeing more and more angry white women that he has dated, as all of these women (of all stripes) are so burnt out from divorces, cheating men, baby father drama, etc…that they can’t get there head around a real relationship…and he may have a point…the dynamics of our society, and the way that men and women relate, the pressure to have both parents working/yet undefined roles on how to divide up housework and child duties, and the way we have distanced ourselves from relating to one another in a direct fashion (less emphasis on dating…taking time to know one another, etc)…well, it’s a lot of pressure…

    Posted 18 Jun 2006 at 9:15 am

  29. eric daniels wrote:

    So My, My My, I am an Uncle Tom because I dared to broach a question to a black woman because she is obviously ranting and raving talking about Black men raping and breeding Black Woman? give me a break, If you put your ideas about people on a website, you should expect them to be challenged. Black Women have had the floor on their victimization for the past 30 years and responsible Black Men like myself and others had to bear the sins of the minorityof Black Men last time I read there were only..

    1. I million Black Men in jail or parole
    2. 250,000 Black Men with AIDS
    3. 141,000 Black Men married to various races

    Frankly black women like Bowhe, Gatamla and condesending white women like you get on my nerves because there are 15 million Black Men in this country who work, take care of their families and don’t have a criminal record and are puesuing their dreams and aren’t sexist. What women like you want to do is emasulate us and guilt trip Black Men into compliant, weak, men and we aren’t having it, If white men (or other races ) want to get with Bowhe and her phony political rhetoric straight out of the 1970’s then so be it. Frankly I have dated all races but I will not sit here and be called an ‘Uncle Tom’ because of what I have written. The “silent” majority of Black Men who are repsonible are tired of Black Women’s guilt trips when they dated those men and knew they were Pricks.

    My, My, My just because you screwed a few Black Guys does not make you an expert on Black Love or gender tensions. and I refuse to play that game with Bowhe and the rest of the Black Femanazi League, If they want to date IR great, that means they are finally going to find happiness in someone’s arms. My only rquest like I tell Black Men who don’t date Black Women is “you have no right to comment” about Black Realtionships because you made a personal choice to date across racial lines. It is for us as Black Men and Black Women who want to find common ground to solve these these problems of commonality between us. And since Bowhe brought up the issues of her hated for Black Men and all our imperfections that I asked her that question.

    Posted 18 Jun 2006 at 9:36 pm

  30. mtevc wrote:

    to eric daniels…(if you are the real maker of this movie anyway)…it seems you have cornered the market on angry, and are merely trying to place your burden, anger, trip on someone else…

    Black women are simply getting on with business…how are you about “solving the problems” of black men and black women when you are merely being argumentative…your piece showcases nothing…if there are legitimate problems between black men and women, it is a complicated mix of the legacies of racism and the current situation for black women and black men to accept personal responsibility to improve their own situation despite the odds…and to not let anger and intragroup fighting undermine that progress…

    Posted 19 Jun 2006 at 11:22 am

  31. eric daniels wrote:

    Typical repsone by someone like you mtvec, I am not angry, sick tired of people like you and other people giving Black Women a pass when it comes to personal reponsiblity. So because a few black men don’t

    1. take care of their kids
    2. get into trouble
    3. act the sterotypes

    15 million of us should bear the sins of less than 3% of the black male population give me a break. I do not feel guilty because some Black Woman ‘got played” by some prick, and there is no bitternes on my part, like the character in the movie, I am sick and tired of the drama that some not all black women bring to their relationships with Black Men. and what did he say that was bad.. here is the quote

    This house you live in, I bought. And all of the furniture in it. Let’s talk about the car and the alimony check. You don’t remember the last time you worked. And you and your angry little crew want to call me a weak black man? Why just because I like to come back home to a peaceful house in the middle of the day instead of the drama I had with you for 4 years? So you feel a black man’s weak because he doesn’t feel like fighting every single night? If this woman here, black, white or any other color can bring some balance to my life, I really don’t care what you or any of your angry crew are saying. Let me set the record straight. I am not a weak black man. I am a tired black man. Tired of dealing with angry black women like you, and you. Now where’s my daughter.

    Now where is that bashing Black Women ladies (the moderators of this site) Because after a hard day of dealing with American racism he just wants to come home to his wife and kid and enjoy his private time with them without more drama. I always observe 9and I have White friends who date Black Women)

    Posted 19 Jun 2006 at 7:07 pm

  32. eric daniels wrote:

    continued, And I always see how these women are always compliant, and don’t bring their White Men drama but I bet a great many of them who married across racial lines were total angry black women and were never satisfied when they were dating Black Men and the same when I see Black Men dating across racial lines. Maybe it is best for the 20% who can’t deal with their same race counterparts to date IR,they would be happier and Black Men and Women can get on with the buisness of rebuilding our relationships.

    Posted 19 Jun 2006 at 7:11 pm

  33. mtevc wrote:

    i am by no means dissing all black men, especially those who “do the right thing”…but you are painting a broad brush against all black women…and it also seems you have a macho chip on your shoulder…where exactly did you go to college, grad school, and what’s your day job??? just asking…see if you can answer in a civil manner…

    Posted 19 Jun 2006 at 7:23 pm

  34. Bohwe wrote:

    When I mentioned being raped, I meant being raped during slavery by the masters , but realistically now in the present time, by black men. I have not been raped but historically black women have been raped by black men and white men in this contury.

    My point was that black women focus on the trials and tribulations of the black men , when she forgets about her own plight and struggle. And for the most part this idea is universal. I think women , especially black women, because that’s my example, should focus on being a better person instead of trying to find a black man(because black women are dating mostly exclusively black males), should focus on their children and themselves, and not seeking approval or gratification from a man that ain’t worth 2 cents. And btw: just because a man is college educated doesn’t mean he’s a man with high moral standards.

    Posted 20 Jun 2006 at 3:53 am

  35. mtevc wrote:

    i agree on the point on the college education doesn’t necessarily mean a man (or woman) will be dependable, support a family, or basically “do the right thing”…but i want to also caution women who think that single parenting is the way to go…without a partner, parenting would be a nightmare…it is a difficult journey (with a dependable partner)…but without…the stress and the all of it is so very difficult…plus, after growing up in a two parent home, and raising kids in a two parent home, and seeing the struggles of friends and family members raising kids in single parent homes, we need to get with the program and spread the word more that single parenting is not the way to go…if it happens, so be it, and rise to the challenge (as my one friend is doing)…but children need decent role models (day in and day out)…male and female…on the other tip…we need to get over the victimization crap and get to work, get to school, and stop dumping on each other…and that’s all this movie is…

    Posted 20 Jun 2006 at 8:22 am

  36. eric daniels wrote:

    So mtvec, did you go to college, and what does that have to do with this debate? because I don’t play the black woman is a queen hype with no flaws and blameless… please what you (and I assume you are a black woman) want me to do as a Black Male is to “shut up and be thankful”. Well that’s not happening this debate should include repsonsible black men, that movie clip Alexander released was actually pretty kind, I would have been much more direct and would have asked about the hypocrisy of some black women who want to act like the are on the side of the angels instead of accepting responsiblity for their part on this issue. I never heard the hue and cry when “Waiting to Exhale” or every other “black male bashing” book, song, movie comes out.

    Posted 20 Jun 2006 at 11:45 am

  37. mtevc wrote:

    no one is asking you to shut up, and yes, i went to college, working in the corporate world for years, and now am getting a graduate degree…what i would like to see is a reasonable debate that doesn’t fan flames…you accuse others of being so angry and there is merely venom and macho posturing in your talk…can’t we have a reasonable debate…and by the way, i thought “waiting to exhale” was about as stupid and superficial as the current viral video

    Posted 20 Jun 2006 at 12:24 pm

  38. eric daniels wrote:

    Then what is so wrong about a Black Male wanting t come home to a peaceful house, It does not mean he’s a sexist or bashing Black Women. And frankly, these women started first, with their criticizing him for bringing his date over to her “house” now I am assuming they may have been going out to eat or to a park. Now these women are the ones accusing him of bringing a white woman to their house, and her friends doing the ‘head shaking” telling him he can’t deal with a strong black woman. All he did was ask these women some basic questions..

    1. two don’t have boyfriends
    2. one is dating a white guy (she says because black men are no good)

    ll he did was tell his ex- wife that he was tired of being labelled as a weak black man because he does not want to fight every day, The question should be why do some black women feel the need to always berate a responsible black male in their realtionships , but when they date the same type of guy but happens to be of a diffrent race this same black woman is nice, kind, and supportive of her IR lover/husband (and this is an observation form my eyes) You could probaly say that Black men do the same thing when they are entangled in IR realtionships.

    Frankly, the clip was informative and basically brings out the 6000 pound elephant in the living room, modern black gender realtionships (always fragile in the best of times) have worsened in the past 30 years . Both sides are obviously pained that we cannot get along so both sides are posturing so what are your solutions, gatamla, mvtec, Bowhe since you folks think that Black Men are no good?

    Posted 21 Jun 2006 at 5:44 pm

  39. mtevc wrote:

    the movie is lame…can we agree on that…if there are issues in the community…which there are…the problem is usually on both sides…once again you are baiting me unnecessarily by saying directly that i said all black men were no good…i never said that…what i said was that there are problems on both sides…and a viral video does nothing…the posturing of the women in the video set against the self righteousness of the male lead in the movie is useless and teaches us nothing…yes, there is a real concern for black women who do want to date within their race, when there are many black men in jail, etc…the numbers are lopsided…this is not to say that all black men are no good…but there are women who have unrealistic expectations about relationships and expect too much (money, cars, etc) from a man, when they need emotional support and a mate willing to pay the bills with them (as they both work)…but for you to suggest that all balck men need to come home to a quiet house…oh goodness, this is a bit ridiculous…like every black woman is ready to start a fight…maybe some are…i am simply debating with you in a reasonable fashion, and you continue to bait…you are the one being argumentative here…there are many issues…that our community continues to accept single parenthood…and the pressure that adds to relationships (the one with the father of the child) and the ones who come after (this is a fault of men and women)

    Posted 22 Jun 2006 at 9:53 am

  40. Yaya Amir wrote:

    Exactly when did Black women become such a source of distain for Black men??

    Damn!

    Not matter what Black men do, no matter how dismal the statistics are, no matter how many times people imply or say they’re no good, we keep loving them. Too bad the same can’t be said for Black men, as respects loving us.

    Posted 22 Jun 2006 at 12:34 pm

  41. ms mimi wrote:

    Secure, wonderful, strong black men, this does not apply to you. God bless you, and I hope that one day I will get out of this rut I am in, and smile at you, pray with you, marry one of you and make some chocolate babies… All others:

    Well, I am..how can I say this, rooting for the brothas because they will always have my heart, but having trouble watching the star players switch teams.

    Let me go on record saying all the PC stuff we should say. Race doesn’t matter, if you really love somebody that is what counts, that people have a right to their choices, and it is hard out here for a pimp, after all…

    But let’s see. Those platitudes may sound nice, but real life is a little more complex. I have dated a man of another race twice. Once was my first love, who was East Indian, and dark chocolate. I almost don’t count him because he grew up in the hood and eats grits. Went out with a white guy once as a friend, and it was…different. I did feel the spotlight on me.

    The thing is I have always loved Black men. I have always loved how most of them, if they didn’t get anything else understood that look I get on my face when I am/have experienced the race issue, and the world is yet again reminding me that I should know my place. I have loved them regardless of the amount of money they had, or what the world called their brand of asthetic, or what their educational papers said. I have loved them with an everlasting, at last my love, free at last, last one standing, deeply rooted, deeply spiritual, deep longing love.

    And yet, I have yet to find one who truly loved me back in the way every human deserves to be loved.

    The brothas aren’t the only guilty ones. I’ve met plenty of “others” who have not loved us well, either. It just hurts more with the brothas.

    That said, the man I loved most, and last, dumped me for a white girl.

    Now I know that I should just say, well he was a man who made bad choices, and her being black had nothing to do with his immaturity, but my mind sees it as a difference without distinction.

    This was a man who told me that any man would want to marry me, daily praised me for being what he saw as attractive, accomplished, faithful and loving. A dream woman, but still not ..a white girl. Did I mention this is a man who I have known since I was 14?…not some other brotha off the street…my homie.

    So, I saw the movie “Something New” because Sanaa Lathan is one of my favorite actresses, and although I was completely turned off by the idea of a white man teaching a black woman how to love her blackness (for obvious reasons) for the first time since I read Malcolm X, for the first time since I kissed NM’s smooth cocoa lips, for the first time since I screamed at a Morris Chestnut picture and dang near fainted off of Ice Cube’s jherri curl juice drippin’ self, I thought..well maybe they have a point.

    Maybe Black men, for all that they say, really don’t want us anymore. Maybe they have outgrown us (if they are successful) or we have “outgrown” them (if they are not). Maybe it is nothing personal, and we are being over sensitive. Maybe they really don’t like their mothers.

    I don’t know. But I do know that what I used to dismiss as Black woman paranoia is starting to make sense to me as I east toward the big 30.

    Used to say that if Black men only dated white women, we didn’t want him anyway. Still true. But the question is, given the state of our men, then who will?

    Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and feel inspired and enlightened by the brown beauty of some brotha in the coffee line next to me.

    But today,like Ms. “A” I am looking out at the morning rain….

    Posted 30 Jun 2006 at 11:17 pm

  42. gville wrote:

    First let me say that I’m a black man that has and probably will only date black women. Please don’t get mad at me, it’s just my personal preference. Now to my point. There’s an old saying that goes, “If you don’t know, you betta ask somebody’. If any black man thinks he can just get a white woman and she’ll be this submissive, non-combative, unopinionated woman that will bring peace and serentity into their relationship better ask Ray Barone about his white woman. If you don’t know who he is, or can’t contact him personally, just watch his TV Show -’Everybody Loves Raymond’. It still airs weekdays on TNT. :-)

    Posted 17 Jul 2006 at 3:05 pm

  43. Sigmaman wrote:

    for all you black women who are angry, offended and feel vilified by this film, HOW DOES IT FEEL NOW?

    Posted 06 Aug 2006 at 2:31 pm

  44. sammy wrote:

    Black ladies have been given a free pass for years, and it’s about time this is told. Today’s black ladies are a joke; which in the 70’s and 80’s black ladies was better. Black ladies are the only ladies on earth that don’t support their man properly. White men don’t want you, they just want your sex. Black girls no men is going to deal with them large attitudes. Black ladies need to be exposed for the phonies they are. Black ladies have white men’s fooled. Remember black girls what goes around comes around. By the way i’m married to spanish lady; Which the only thing black ladies can do now is work with the very young black girls to make sure they don’t be like you. I traveled to different parts of the world,and i have yet to see a race of ladies are so angry, and have nasty attitudes like black ladies. Nobody wants you black ladies; which your lies,and games are going to exposed now

    Posted 10 Aug 2006 at 11:47 am

  45. JK wrote:

    I’ve seen some of the edits of this film. For the naysayers, I think you’ll be surprised at the outcome. The director took this clip around the country, showed it to men and women of all ages in our communities and filmed their street interviews. You’re going to be surprised how many men AND women agreed to the underlying theme of this clip. That men are tired of coming home to a restless argumentative woman that is supposed to be his soul/helpmate. It’s also quick to add and point out that women are not completely to blame for the angst in our relationships. Men are at fault to. But this is simply a man’s point of view regarding the drama in our love lives. Granted, in Hollywood, getting the point across requires that you go to an extreme w/ the theme and stereotypes. But if you look at the message and instead of taking it personally, look at yourself to see if YOU are in these characters then maybe we can start a dialouge that is going to aid in reducing the lack of intimacy in our relationships and bring about an atonement.

    Posted 12 Sep 2006 at 5:03 pm

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