Another “something new” trend piece
CVK
Months after the movie Something New made its debut, articles are still coming out referencing the “new trend” of black women dating white men. The latest one is in The Miami Herald, where the reporter attends a speed-dating event designed specifically to set up white men with black women.
The article is not bad overall–it covers quite a lot of ground. For example, it mentions that “black women shied away from such relationships because of a lingering stigma that dates back to forced sex between white slave owners and black women.” It talks about the increase in interracial socializing due to many college-educated women climbing the corporate ladder where of course, the higher you go, the more white men there are. It also mentions the perception that there’s a shortage of black men to go around, and that there’s a greater appreciation for the beauty of black women, with the rising popularity of various black celebrities.
But it ends on a somewhat negative note:
It was clear though that…there were others who hadn’t seen recent polls that show a majority of Americans are OK with interracial relationships. Two-thirds of the party attendees declined to be interviewed: ”I just can’t. You don’t understand,” said one worried-looking woman. “I have a reputation at work, and you know how people can make assumptions,” said another woman.
Mmmm… I feel like these people were reluctant to talk not because they were afraid of being judged for being open to an interracial relationship, but rather, because they’re actively seeking out an interracial relationship. That’s my problem with these interracial dating Web sites and events. I can’t help but think that people who go to these things have specific racial fetishes and are actively seeking out people of a specific ethnicity. You wouldn’t believe how many emails we get from interracial dating sites who want to advertise on this site. It kind of cracks me up actually, because clearly they have never actually read what we write here, otherwise they’d know not to ask.
Merq wrote:
“I can’t help but think that people who go to these things have specific racial fetishes and are actively seeking out people of a specific ethnicity.”
Couldn’t have said it better, myself.
Posted 25 Apr 2006 at 11:12 am ¶
eric wrote:
But Carmen, we love interracial mixing and babies! Look at our websites! How can we be racist!
Posted 25 Apr 2006 at 11:55 am ¶
Unlisted wrote:
I think that this is good. I have always thought that black women should explore other options instead of limiting themselves.
But the article mentions that “Something New” was a ‘popular movie’. I thought it bombed.
I plan to see it on video.
From what I can tell, the “sell-out” factor is still strong in the black female community, but I think that is breaking down slowly…
Posted 25 Apr 2006 at 12:17 pm ¶
mr guy wrote:
I can see both sides of this.On the one hand you WILL have people question you if you go to a speed dating trip, specifically for black women and white men, or any other combination.And the whole fetish issue will come up like CVK said.On the other hand I don’t really care what kind of people others like to date, plus I don’t like to judge that much(even though I could) and as long as they’re upfront and honest, maybe that relationship can become long lasting and real.As for the issue with interracial dating sites, I usually take a different approach.I would put a profile up on a regular dating site and say, I’m open to any race of women.Hey, whatever can increase my chances of getting a date on the weekend :)
Posted 25 Apr 2006 at 1:21 pm ¶
site admin wrote:
LOL Eric! :) - CVK
Posted 25 Apr 2006 at 1:23 pm ¶
brad wrote:
I think that some people are interested in people from a fetish-perspective (looking for a China Doll, gag!). However, some people do like blondes, brunettes, etc. I find brunettes more attractive than blondes. Some people like darker skin, etc. So, that’s normal. It gets icky when it’s a fantasy perspective that drives someone’s desire because that dehumanizes and objectifies a person into a sexual plaything: black whore; China doll; hot tamale; blonde bimbo; etc.
Has anyone noticed the blonde fetish in Latin America? It’s pretty yucky, too, because it’s based off sexism and racism.
As for the speed dating, I think it’s not horrible at all. What if you are interested in dating someone from an ethnic group to whom you don’t have in your circle of acquaintances or colleagues? I can’t begrudge someone for curiosity.
I’ve known some Asian women who date Caucasian men exclusively because they find Asian men unattractive and just want a white guy. It’s kinda sad because they admit that it’s almost brainwashing since they feel that they’ve been taught that white men are better looking.
Posted 25 Apr 2006 at 3:11 pm ¶
bertie wrote:
Unlisted–as a blackman I have no problem with black women “broadening their horizon.” But how is going to a white male only speed dating event broadening. Its just changing one racial limitation for another. It would be different if it was multi-racial event. I don’t see anything wrong with the speed dating per se–but it is what it is. The participants are using race as the predominate factor in limiting their dating pool.
Posted 25 Apr 2006 at 6:00 pm ¶
merq wrote:
hats off to bertie
Posted 25 Apr 2006 at 6:15 pm ¶
Unlisted wrote:
Bertie:
I wasn’t referring to the speed dating
I’m not saying that they should go from black men only to white men only. “Exploring Options” means being open to other men besides blacks. Not closing the door completely on one or the other
Posted 25 Apr 2006 at 7:39 pm ¶
bertie wrote:
ohh..ok. I got thrown off by the “I think this is good” comment followed by the exploring options” comment. It seemed like you were saying that the white men only speed dating was good because it was a way for black women to explore options.
Posted 26 Apr 2006 at 9:31 am ¶
gatamala wrote:
I have no problem w/ dating white men.
I DO have a problem w/ someone’s creepy choklit fantasy like this speed dating. BLEECCCH!
Posted 26 Apr 2006 at 9:52 am ¶
D.Angeli wrote:
“I don’t know, You don’t understand”
I think I actually said that to a white boy that I liked in high school. But I did wonder if he was only interested because he wanted to show his friends that he could get a black girl. I’m not saying all white men are like that but I’ve always felt I’ve had to be cautious around them.
As for speed dating…I don’t know. I’ve never done it but whatever floats your boat.
Posted 26 Apr 2006 at 8:31 pm ¶
Daniel wrote:
Interesting responses! Mr Guy, very funny! I would agree with you though. There is no sense in limiting yourself. I usually only draw the line at dangerously insane. Then again, it can be hard to be sure before it’s too late. I’ll never get the whole speed dating thing. It makes me shudder just to think about it. I’m not knocking anybody for doing it, I just don’t have the strength for it myself. I prefer the slow, painful, old fashioned rejection over anything with the word speed in it.
Now, as far as black women dating white men being a new trend, that makes me laugh. Yes, there are some black woman who will date somebody from another race without introducing him to friends and family out of fear. There are also a lot of black women who have no such fears. This is most certainly not something new! This speed dating thing, though…ouch, it hurts my head!
Posted 27 Apr 2006 at 2:58 pm ¶
Rachael wrote:
I am a black woman who met my boyfriend on an interracial dating website…the purpose for me going on there was actually not because of a “fetish”…but its out in the open that we are openminded about race…unlike “other” dating websites you are not so sure if that person of another race would be open to dating you…but on these sites it is welcome, comfortable and safe to approach someone. I am extremely happy with my choice, and have dated all races of men (mainly black though) but i just happen to get to a point in my life where i decided i would not cut off the potential of true love based on race.
Posted 09 May 2006 at 10:48 am ¶
Bohwe wrote:
As a black woman, who is of multiethnic background. I feel that it’s about time black women stop being afraid to date outside their race, because of black people with no life, feel. So, what that there are sites dedicated to black women and white men hooking up, or websites dedicated to black/white love. Many times black women and white men aren’t in the same environment, but are physically attracted to each other, so the logical thing is to set up a meeting place for them. How can you meet the men or women you are attracted to if, you don’t know where they are? And as far as the whole fetish thing, it’s not a fetish , it’s a preference, or basically, a physical attraction. Hey, it’s not a fetish, that I’m only attracted to men who aren’t black. That’s my thing. I love men with the exotic look, such as Middle Eastern men, Asian men, Pacific Islanders, even white boys. It becomes a fetish when you take your attraction and make it about some odd sexual freakish behavior. I’m attracted to the latin guys at my school, is that a fetish, or natural, because I’m human.
Posted 10 May 2006 at 8:09 pm ¶