PBS short follows adoptees on trip to India
RK
I was finally able to watch PBS Frontline’s Calcutta Calling last night and found it to be both touching and discussion provoking. Filmmaker Sasha Khokha (who’s mixed by the way, born to an Indian father and an American mother) follows three teenage girls, who were adopted as infants by white American families, in their first trip to India.
Something that grabbed me, right off the bat, was one of the mothers saying “I don’t see [my daughter] as Indian, she’s just my daughter…” That sounds really great when you’re on Oprah, but the reality of it is that growing up in an all-white house, with nearly-all-white community and schools, the fact remains that nearly everyone else this young lady encounters will see her as Indian. To deny that, to shove it under the rug, is a great disservice to her becoming the fullest, most self-confident woman she can be. I was overjoyed that the girls had the opportunity to go back to India and reflect on where life has taken them, to find gratitude for the lives they lead today, and more importantly to find others who can relate first-hand to what all that can mean or bring to question.
I was very moved, when the three girls were hanging out on the hotel room bed and one said something to the effect of how she knows she doesn’t fit in back at home, yet while she feels visually similar in India she still didn’t feel like culturally she was in place. I felt such fulfillment in the strong bonds the three girls found in each other, and finally have a sense of belonging, with each other. I can relate to it; growing up, we were mostly surrounded by my mother’s relatives, and it would be naive to think that we physically blended in– three brown kids with dark features, among fair, Germanic cousins. Yet when I went to India, I felt *more* at home, yet I realized I was maybe “not Indian enough” to full feel fully at home there, either. The camaraderie of being around others with similar experience, is what led me to organizations like Swirl, New Demographic, and MixedMediaWatch.
I found the girls’ insights to be extremely mature, and this trip will probably go a long way in helping their development of self and the reconciliation of “where I come from”, “where I was raised” and “what does that make me today?”
Also be sure to check out the interview with mixed-race documentarian Sasha Kokhar.
Kaonashi wrote:
Okay, this leaves me to one of my personal pet peeves.
It’s long been my personal belief that anyone who goes through the process of adopting someone of a different race or have biracial children and then proceed to drop them in an polarizing environment deserves to have said children taken away for emotional abuse. Why on earth would you do such a thing? There are many wonderful places to live that are diverse and not have your child feeling like the Sesame Street song “one of these things isn’t like the others…”
I’m glad these girls got a chance to go to India and see some of their culture because it’s painfully obvious that the ball was dropped on that one.
Posted 25 Jan 2006 at 8:53 pm ¶
justin wrote:
Kaonashi, My parents had biracial children because the love each other. My Father moved us to a polarized enviroment because of his job.
Posted 26 Jan 2006 at 11:00 am ¶
Charles wrote:
I agree with Justin. Many so called diverse environments/neighborhoods can be just as polarizing. Its not always cut and dry. Many of these individuals probably face challenges within their own loving and well meaning families.
Posted 26 Jan 2006 at 11:22 am ¶
Kaonashi wrote:
I understand what both of you mean. Sometimes you don’t have control over where your job sends you, or have these sorts of issues in your own family. but somehow I think that my family’s well-being would be worth more. Some of these parents, no matter how well-meaning, don’t seem to think about how their children will feel about being in an environment where they are “the only one” nor will they get their children involved with groups that will help alleviate those feelings of isolation, and that’s what I object to the most. I’ve seem people get transfers and move elsewhere so their children could feel more comfortable. I’ve also seem them get active in the communities that their children hail from and create groups on their own. Sometimes, that can make all the difference in the world, not this “We adopted you, and I just look at you as being my daughter so you shouldn’t have any identity issues” stuff.
Justin, you’re in NZ? North or South Island?
Posted 26 Jan 2006 at 3:03 pm ¶
Mark La Roi wrote:
The part about not seeing color (”She’s just my daughter”) causes more problems than it solves. While I do appreciate the intent behind it, you must acknowledge the color of the person with whom you are interacting because it’s a part (although not the primary part, still an impactful one) of their identity and shouldn’t be discounted.
Posted 26 Jan 2006 at 9:23 pm ¶
justin wrote:
I live in SI, in a socio economically depressed area of Christchurch.
We don’t live in a ghetto but it is where the poor white people are, the poor Maori’s and Polynesians live on the other side of town. Asians supposedly live in an affluent suburb called Avonhead, which is now referred to as Asianhead thanks to the local paper. We could of lived on an Army base and been transferred from place to place every few years.
When I was 5 my (asian) mother would walk me and my sister to school she heard the names the other students would call us and she got shouted at as well. I was the first Asian looking student there but there were a few Maoris (there’s an urban myth that all Maoris are mixed). My mother got the names of some of the kids from an older Maori girl. She phoned their parents and told them off then she spoke to the principal. We had an assembly I was asked if I wanted to leave, I didn’t understand what was going on so I stayed. I don’t remember exactly what was said, but I know I really enjoyed it, until after the assembly when I was told that it was about me.
I have looked at immigration records from when my parents shifted here. At a guess there are probably about 500 or 600 families just like mine we associated with like 5 of them outside of that circle I can name another 6 if that could be considered a community my family has dropped out, we all live and play with other people.
We don’t have organisations like swirl in NZ yet. If you want to know about mixed people in NZ google New Zealand then half cast other searches don’t get good results.
Everyone has to make the best of what they have. Trans-racially adopted people and biracial people can be treated like concepts. It is important to ground things in real life. There are so many mixed characters on Star Trek and none that I relate to.
( the singular and plural of Maori is actually Maori )
Posted 26 Jan 2006 at 9:24 pm ¶
Sydney wrote:
I agree with Kaonashi to a certain extent. I know a number of adoptees and I think sometimes there’s an issue of clashing cultures. All parents, biological or adoptive, want their children to be like them, and when the child is of another race or ethnicity, the parents may think they will “lose” the child to the birth culture.
Posted 26 Jan 2006 at 9:37 pm ¶
Lyonside wrote:
Justin - thanks for sharing your POV. Really, many families dont’ have the luxury of the perfect environment for their kids. I’m glad your mom made an effort to stop the harassment - even if it’s not totally successful, she tried, and that’s what a child takes with them, I think - that a parent knew what was going on and tried to help.
My nephews are African-American and Filapino, and spent some of their childhood on a US Army base in West Germany in the 1980s. They said that they felt comfortable on base, with a lot of minorities and interracial families, but when they went off base,depending on the area, they stood out. The good part was that they were seen as Americans first, before color.
I think the issue some people have w/ transracial international adoption in the US may be that if an adoptive parent is opting for an international adoption, the assumption is that they are affluent enough to 1) educate themselves about potential issues and 2) move to a diverse area or organize as needed.
If they don’t the parents could then be seen as blase’ or ignorant. Many (though not all) international adoptive parents in the US seem to be white (at least, those are the couples that make the news for adopting internationally). So these well-meaning but clueless parents may not know what it means for their child to be a visible minority.
Posted 27 Jan 2006 at 10:35 am ¶
justin wrote:
My last message was really just rambling. Lyonside I’m with you on what you said and Kaonashi too I guess. But still, social issues are not necessarily personal ones or internalised.
Posted 27 Jan 2006 at 11:41 am ¶
Ben wrote:
Something’s always bothered me about this post, and I just put my finger on it.
Renu objected to the adoptive mother’s statement that she doesn’t see her daughter as Indian, just as her daughter. I think “denial” is a mischaracterization of the mother’s position. I would call it transcendence of racial boundaries - cf. Morgan Freeman, posted here last month (click).
Furthermore, I think the opposite would be worse - to see her daughter as her Indian daughter - because that makes it clear that she is an “other” - an adjunct to the family, rather than a full-fledged member of it. I think adoptees have enough problems feeling fully integrated into their adoptive families… would they really want their mother to qualify their relationship with an adjective?
Posted 31 Jan 2006 at 11:23 am ¶
Wendy Marie wrote:
By this statement: “Filmmaker Sasha Khokha (who’s mixed by the way, born to an Indian father and an American mother)” — are you implying that American means “white”? Or do you mean culturally mixed?
I apologise but I’m one of those people who get utterly twisted up when someone refers to being mixed race or biracial and names the *ethnic* background of one parent as “American” as if this signifier stands as a racial marker — it’s a national identity, is it not?
Posted 14 Feb 2006 at 1:58 pm ¶