A depressing look at transracial adoption
JC
The Pasadena Star News published a typical story about the difficulty of transracial adoption (e.g. parents don’t necessarily know how to raise children of another race since they walk in different shoes)…but this one seemed more hopeless and lazy than most I have read. Ok. Fine. Recognize that if you are of a different ethnic background, that it will take some extra effort to teach your children about their identity…but don’t stop there! Figure out what to do to be nurturing and encouraging and good parents in general!
It took just a few life-changing seconds for Dane Holweger and Israel Segal to fall in love with Ziggy and Nola.
But even with that boundless love, the two know they can’t protect their adopted African-American children from racism. As Caucasian men, they just don’t have the experience.“I can’t raise them as a black parent because I am not black,” Dane Holweger said of the 3-year-old twins. “But we are hugely supportive of our children as black children.”
First, it’s problematic if parents think in these kinds of “protective” terms, even though I know that it is human nature to want to shield our own from any harm. Instead of wanting to protect, though, how about wanting to prepare and give tools instead? That is much more proactive and will build positive self-esteem in children…more than will this kind of statement: “I have to figure out how to protect you from racism.” We all know that no one can possibly do that for any individual anyway. What these parents are struggling with is exactly *how* to be supportive of their black children.
Unfortunately, this article provided no advice. And at the end, we are left with the message that there’s nothing that a parent of a transracial adoptee can do anyway! 
:
“This is not a walk in the park,” said Mei Lin Kroll, a 30-year-old West Los Angeles loan officer who was adopted from Korea when she was three by Joe Kroll, executive director of North American Council on Adoptable Children. Korean culture camp, a preteen Korean group and her Korean-American baby sitter did not prepare her for the way she felt when children teased her about her features. And, in the end, that was fine with Kroll, because they let her learn for herself.
“Sometimes my parents didn’t have answers for things … but they realized there was nothing they could do.”
These parents really copped out! We see this time and time again — white parents specifically, who are overwhelmed by issues of race and racism — to the point that they become paralyzed. “Oh well, nothing I can do!” is the wrong answer.
I do think there is some value to letting a child learn her own way in navigating issues of ethnicity and identity, but it shouldn’t ALL be left up to children. Parents may recognize their shortcomings, but then, it’s imperative that they then take steps towards responsibly addressing issues of identity in a healthy and positive way.
Ben wrote:
Transracial adoption is a perfect opportunity to separate ancestry from ethnicity, two concepts that are, unfortunately, inextricably fused in the current American racial construct.
To put it clumsily, just because they’re biologically “black” doesn’t mean they can’t or shouldn’t become culturally “white.” I mean, they have white parents! That will have far more to do with their personal development than the color of their skin.
It kind of reminds me of the tragic mulatto myth… I think the extent to which these children might be “confused” is greatly exaggerated. Eventually they’ll figure it out, and they’ll have the capacity for a far more nuanced perspective on race than most of us
Posted 20 Dec 2005 at 9:02 pm ¶
justin wrote:
I think Ben’s ‘confused’. Ethnicity is a sociology term that covers the effects of both ancestry and race.. Ethnically no one is one thing, though some of categories people put themselves in can exclude or conflict with others. What is whiteness without at least an underlying racism ?
Its nice that Ben is so optimistic, but the way a person looks effects who they are unless they are sheltered and protected from society, maybe mirrors as well, which is pointed out in the original post. The effects of appearances aren’t necessarily good or bad and there is nuanced difference between assimilation and naturalisation.
Posted 22 Dec 2005 at 8:55 pm ¶
Doubletake wrote:
There’s also nothing wrong with “Black” kids “acting Black.” In fact, some might even believe that for a person to reach their highest potential, they must have a foundation in their root culture (a holographic projection of that race’s strongest qualities), while ultimately transcending any of their same limitations..
What would Jimi Hendrix been without knowing the blues? Tupac without rap?
Bruce Lee without Wing Chun? Yang LuChan without Taiiquan?
Julio Iglesias if he only sang in English, not Spanish?
There is a beauty in the diversity born of extended isolation without cross-pollination.
But the liberal drive towards a homogeneous monoculture, and hell, mixed monorace - is a little disturbing in its parallels with a monogovernmental neo-con New World 0rder as well as corporate mega-mergers into multinational conglomerates. In short, all aim towards the elimination of all social/cultural/genetic/racial/business/political independent diversity to promote mass conformity.
And all under the Orwellian Doublespeak mantras of “diversity” and “multi-culturalism…”
Fools!
Posted 24 Dec 2005 at 4:19 pm ¶
justin wrote:
‘For a person to reach their highest potential they must have a foundation in a projection of their races strongest qualities, while ultimately transcending any of their same limitations’ ???
Like Picasso, Matisse and Gauguin, or just people of other races that white folks turn into commodities?
There is a problem with black kids acting black, it’s to do with minorities and the depth or variety of their representations. (acting black or affecting blackness?)
What liberals are you talking about?
Has anyone here read Culture of Complaint by Robert Hughes or seen the end of his Fatal Shore documentary? I think that guys more neo-con than liberal.
Posted 25 Dec 2005 at 9:41 am ¶
justin wrote:
Just in case. Picasso, Matisse and Gauguin are not only painters, they are geniuses who turned people of other races into commodities, ho hum .
Culture of Complaint is about how Liberalism and political correctness cause mediocrity and Fatal Shore has an inspirational segment about how Australia’s a melting pot and its mixed future. I haven’t looked closely at either really.
Can anyone connect Robert Hughes to the 2002 movie Rabbit Proof Fence? I swear I’m not trying to get you to do my homework.
Posted 30 Dec 2005 at 9:34 am ¶
Dane Holweger wrote:
First of all, it was the Los Angeles Daily News, not a Pasadena paper that printed the story in which an interwiew with my family was included. I, too, was disappointed at the writers negative slant on the issue of transracial adoption and I sent a letter to the editor expressing this which follows (it was not published):
Los Angeles Daily News,
As one of the subjects of your cover story (and cover photo) on trans-racial adoption, I was saddened and confused by the article’s negative slant. Rachel Uranga has subtitled her article “Cross-racial adoption has detractors,” but the interviews she conducted for the piece support a more positive point of view. It seems irresponsible to simply suggest that there are those who disapprove of adoption across racial lines without including interviews or statistics to support that argument. Though I know detractors of trans-racial adoption exist, our personal experience has been overwhelmingly positive. The love and support we encounter on a daily basis from the community in the form of hugs, handshakes, and heartfelt conversation confirms our decision. Until all those ‘detractors’ who would judge our family stand up and provide for the multitude of children in need - love and stability will continue to be the very best option. Sadly, racism continues to live among us. All responsible parents, black or white, prepare their children to be proud of their heritage and culture, and to respond intelligently to those who would attempt to diminish them. My mother always said to me, “I cannot protect you from the pain the world has in store, but I can help you become someone who will not be daunted by it”.
Dane Holweger and Family
Los Angeles
As to any of the respondants to this site who seem to have made decisions about our parenting based on that anemic article - please get to know us before you pretend to know us.
Posted 21 Jan 2006 at 11:40 pm ¶