Being mixed in an interracial relationship
CVK
Our friend Ella Mei Yon Biggadike just penned a great article for Tango magazine. Ella herself is mixed, and she writes about the fact that even mixed people themselves have to take a lot of heat for entering interracial relationships:
And here is my response to all of the people who stare at me when I am with my (Jamaican and Irish) boyfriend, Joshua. (While I hate mentioning his races as an appendage to his name, their relevance here is obvious.) …
And to all the people who tell him he likes me because of the Asian “submissive and obedient in daily life, exotic and freakish in bed” stereotype or that I like him only because of another stereotype: a particular endowment of the African American body…
And to all the people who tell us our kids will be hot (you may think it’s a compliment, but it really just perpetuates the “multiracial as exotic” fetish) …
We’ve heard it all before. You’re not being original.
Society has had 38 years to come to terms with interracial relationships… And now, even after their parents fought so hard, multi-racial children in (inevitably) interracial relationships still have to deal with the fallout. It’s not necessarily the kind of intolerance our parents faced, but something more like confusion about who we are, what races we are, and why we would choose each other.
the hip hapa wrote:
I can absolutely relate to Ella’s scenario. Every relationship I have been in has been with someone NOT Pilipino or Asian. I have gotten so much heat for being in interracial relationships with Mexican men, especially since there’s an expectation (from my parents) for me to date Pilipinos (oddly enough, I’m a mixed Pinay). I’ve heard it all……”you’re with them because of that Latin flavor, huh?” bla bla bla….
So yes, even mixed people are NOT saved from the conflict that arises in interracial relationships.
Posted 01 Dec 2005 at 10:43 pm ¶
Mags wrote:
I can relate to that scenario.
The only response I usually give is that every single relationship I have been in /or will be in will be interracial…
that is unless I meet some really nice Dutch/tanzanian/syrian/haitian man. and even then:)
People of mixed heritage usually have no choice but to date interracially
Posted 02 Dec 2005 at 5:21 pm ¶
arcady wrote:
38 years?
We’ve been ‘going on’ a lot longer than that.
I’m 34, and all of my -grandparents- are mixed race.
It of course, would be impossible for me to -not- be in an interracial relationship, even if I went for incest (not that I would mind you…) it would still be interracial.
People uptight over interracial mixing need to get over it. We are the future, and you can’t escape it. Escpecially in a ‘globalized’ world.
As for who we are, try being me and looking at those forms where the ‘Race’ entry says ‘check the ONE that applies’.
Heck, even if they say ‘check those that apply’ I can just circle the entire page… I’ve only seen ‘multiracial’ once on a form in 34 years…
Posted 03 Dec 2005 at 1:16 am ¶
Mirror, mirror... wrote:
“Every relationship I have been in has been with someone NOT Pilipino or Asian.”
Are you sure maybe YOU’RE not the racist, intolerant one then?
Posted 07 Dec 2005 at 12:01 pm ¶
the hip hapa wrote:
^ to the ignorant one:
I’m NOT racist. It’s just that there are still monoracial male APAs who feel threatened by strong APA and hapa women. I’ve been an activist for years, and I still have yet to find an APA male who is really down for the collective cause. (eliminating ALL injustices toward all people of color, not just for one race/ethnicity)
Frankly, I think many so-called monoracial APA “progressives” subconsciously buy into the white liberal rhetoric, incapable of carving out their OWN identities instead of mainstream America dictating it. And you wonder why the APA movement hadn’t been as powerful (or productive) as the Chicana/o or Black Power movements….hell, even the multiracial movement’s done much more than monoracial APA movements…
And it’s because of my SOCIAL CIRCLES that I haven’t dated any APA’s or Pilipinos (I don’t regard the latter as APA, since we’re just “honorary” in that category and aren’t really respected within that umbrella term). Unless you can find me a very strong pan-Asian (read: militant) progressive movement to join, then I’ll find my alliances elsewhere.
Posted 07 Dec 2005 at 10:33 pm ¶
Mirror, mirror… wrote:
“And you wonder why the APA movement hadn’t been as powerful (or productive) as the Chicana/o or Black Power movements”
It’s because the women within those groups are extremely loyal and supportive of “their” men - and would rather resolve their conflicts internally than jump ship and watch it sink. No, a house divided cannot stand strong. Those other minority men are not unilaterally slammed by their ranks filled with White male supremacist autoracist female activists along the lines of Amy Tan, Maxine Hong Kingston, Kim Wong Keltner, etc etc etc…ad nauseum. They are not cornered and relentlessly put on the defensive and FORCED to fight for their own dignity - by their own sisters.
I mean, do you really think those ladies have nothing to bych about? 2/3 of Black babies are born to single moms now. Hip-hop - Black male youth culture - is overladen with gross chauvinism, misogyny and degradation of Black women/idealization of light women. Latinos are renowned for machismo paternalism and hypocritical sexual jealousy. Still, these women form the backbones of their communities and don’t claim victimhood as their way out of their athnic bases. Playing the victim card for empowerment and as excuses for your own self-serving behavior is NOT a “strong” woman’s tactic - but the WEAKEST.
Not to mention…few of those other minority activism groups are not self-serving like you accuse APA males as. NAACP and BLACK power groups - are mainly BBFB - HELLO? BLACK power??? And what about “La Raza?” (http://www.nclr.org/) FOR HISPANIC Americans…HELLO!
Fact is, if ASIAN MEN don’t stand up for themselves - NO ONE ELSE WILL - INCLUDING THEIR OWN SISTERS!
When you grow up one day - you will realize that your hatred for monoracial APA men is actually your own self-hatred of your Asian heritage projected upon others…but until then, keep rationalizing and denying it.
Posted 08 Dec 2005 at 3:24 pm ¶
Mags wrote:
“When you grow up one day - you will realize that your hatred for monoracial APA men is actually your own self-hatred of your Asian heritage projected upon others…but until then, keep rationalizing and denying it.”
Missing the point…aren`t ya
In my experience, in choosing a mate, a person of mixed heritage is told that s/he is choosing their ethnicity.
The above comment is a prime example. Not ending up with an asian man “of course” (sarcasm) means that you reject all asian men and your own “asianess”
This is quite nonsensical.
Posted 09 Dec 2005 at 12:25 am ¶
Mirror, mirror… wrote:
^ A “hapactivist” who has proudly NEVER dated an APA male due to her laundry list of lame racial stereotypes and excuses about them…IS rejecting APA men and heritage. She is pre-judging a whole group of people based upon their race. She’s not rejecting individual APA men - but a whole race of men. And that’s called “racism.”
Try again.
Posted 09 Dec 2005 at 1:51 pm ¶
Mags wrote:
Mirror Mirror on the wall.
Who is the most judgemental of them all.
” “hapactivist” who has proudly NEVER dated an APA male ” Nothing in the previoius posts shows any indication in PRIDE in not dating apa males.
Generalizations about APA political views maybe. “I have not met someone who shares x view” is not …”no body of this heritage has this view.”
Reading too much into posts can be deceptive
(I may be guilty of the same of course… self examination is the best medecine)
Posted 09 Dec 2005 at 5:05 pm ¶
Jasmine wrote:
I have to agree with Mags original comment, that mixed people have no choice but to date interracially. While I doubt my chances are lower, until I find someone with a Scottish father and Trinidadian mother, I guess that I too shall have to remain dating interacially. I have dated so many races, caucasians, hispanics, blacks, indians, europeans, asians. Therefore, no choice but to be interracial. I didn’t choose to date hispanics because I identified with them, because I am not hispanic. Mixed people dating someone is simply that, the person they date is not a choice based on trying to get ‘back to’ whatever roots other people may have in mind for them. I’m sure there are exceptions to the rule, people that date other people because they identify with the race, but this is just individual concepts. Generally speaking, why not let anyone date whomever they want for whatever reasons they want, as long as they are positive?
Posted 07 Jan 2006 at 3:42 pm ¶