We are considering various alternatives not because we are not interested in marriage, but because we are cautious about damaging family relationships. I am white, my boyfriend is a first generation Asian-American. In my roommates cases, one was American-born and Palestinian (with foreign born parents) dating a Caucasian man and the other was an American-born Indian dating a Hispanic man. In both of their cases, the girls’ parents were attempting to arrange marriages for them against their will. In my case, my family has not been an obstacle but his has threatened to permanently sever the relationship with him, and as a caring partner, I think it’s unfair to ask my significant other to have to make that choice.

Off Topic: Have either of you seen a documentary interview piece called “Just Black”? My god, I just watched it today in my class and it was interesting to say the least, of what people said in response. The people interviewed gave story after story and the entire thing (made in 90’s) smacked of tragic mulatto^1000. I raise that possibility, saying that its dangerous to make this a universal tragic mulatto cautionary tale mixed representation trajectory based on the stories of 6 mixed race black + japanese, korean, white, etc, people (because that’s where the comments from the students were going)…and then a girl (who by my own, i know, stereotypical estimation, who was not multiracial black) goes “i’m mixed and i think it was all REALLY, REALLY accurate and honest. I’m going through my own identity crisis so its all right on target.” Then another chimes in in support. At this point, I think if that girl watched either version of Imitation of Life, she’d say “Nothing wrong with that! That’s the truth!”

I would note that the results don’t (and perhaps can’t) reflect the effect of global immigration on relationships. If you are comparing two American-born parties of different races that both have American-born parents, the study may have different patterns than if one party has a foreign-born parent. The obstacles against marriage seem particularly common when the interracial relationships involves first or second generation families. In both of the above cases (mine and my former roommate’s), family members resistant to the relationships were foreign-born and did not move to the US until quite late in life, while the children in those relationships spent their formative years in the US. It does not make things less difficult, but perhaps it is one factor that helps explain the findings.