JC
In prep for Gay Pride Day, The Village Voice published their “Queer Issue”. It features a few stories that point to dating trends within the queer and transgender communities. Diff’rent Strokes discusses the phenomenon of interracial dating in the gay community and what accounts for the higher numbers of IR couples (a recent UCLA study found that “12 percent of gay couples are mixed compared with 7 percent of straight ones”). Is it that racial fetishes are more accepted within this community? Is it that there is just a smaller number of available mates to choose from? This article ponders all of these possibilities.

Maybe our community’s race-based preferences are as suspect as my friends assume. Could it be that a larger percentage of gays than straights are inclined to get off on racial-sexual stereotypes just like a larger percentage live a life of leather? Thumb through the personal ads in any gay rag and you’ll see we’re not bashful about cataloging our desires with labels like Big Black Top, Hot Latino, White Bottom, and Submissive Asian…

…In fact, it may be that we have more interracial relationships not because we’re less racist but because we’ve yet to face the real race taboo: marriage. Studies of unwed interracial hetero couples indicate that concern about their families’ prejudice and possible discrimination against their unborn children are the main reasons they don’t marry.

Mix-and-Match Loving: Interracial Transgender Coupling discusses the problem of fetishizing within transgender communities. Mixed people, people of color discuss having felt objectified due to their ethnicity.

Geo, 20, a biracial transman who socializes in the New York City and New Haven progressive queer scenes, says, “People think I am very sexy in my community, but I realize that I am being fetishized for being trans and for being racially ambiguous.” Geo has considered dating only people of color, but says, “My identity is so complex that it seems silly.”

There are also plenty of people attracted to transwomen, but sexual (and racial) objectification often come attached to this dynamic—sometimes violently. “Some transwomen feel like dealing with being objectified or stereotyped is the only way we can get a date,” says Naomi, 29, an Asian American transwoman who works with the Sylvia Rivera Law Project. Naomi, who is queer, often finds herself in relationships with other people of color because, she says, “They’ve also had experiences that marginalize them.”

And then last, but certainly not least, Mr. White Now: Beware the Chocoholic is a sarcastic warning to black men who are thinking of dating white men. This has to be my favorite of the five cautions:

5. Your dream whiteboy will probably have a diverse résumé d’amour, an awareness of and open mind about racial issues, and an appreciation of black culture (without overdoing it). But as the relationship continues, he may also find himself having to stand up for you (and black folk in general) in your absence. It can become more important for you to school him (your mileage may vary). But please—don’t drop a Ph.D.’s worth of Frantz Fanon on him a month after your first date. Go easy. He’ll have a lot to come to terms with, in far less time than you’ve had. Work slowly up to the part where you tell him that you hold him personally responsible for slavery, Native American suffering, and/or the perpetuation of racial injustice worldwide. He’ll love you the more for it later.

Happy Pride!