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1. real men are not » Blog Archive » Tom Cruise talks about his abusive father on 05 Apr 2006 at 8:40 pm

   […] As much crap as this guy gets for all his dumb comments concerning race and his scientology stuff, I guess it’s good that he’s at least putting his personal life out there so that people know that abuse, especially from your own family, happens to a lot more people than we think and that it’s not something to just stash away in your mind. Like what Good Will Hunting tried to do, it shows that as much of a front so called tough guys put up, people are complex and have problems, insecurities, fears, and what not. I wonder if Cruise went into some of the ways he dealt/deals with his past experiences…maybe more in the magazine… […]

Comments

1. April wrote:

   Nice reporting, keep it up!!

   Posted 24 May 2005 at 5:06 pm ¶

2. CVK wrote:

   I heard he was hyper on this show, but I had no idea how hyper. Check it out:

   http://p099.ezboard.com/fjjboardfrm12.showMessage?topicID=81691.topic

   Posted 25 May 2005 at 4:58 pm ¶

3. Lynne wrote:

   I was struck too by Tom Cruise’s naivete’, but Oprah’s comments didn’t bother me. As a black woman with natural hair, I thought she was making the valid point that when you have a child of another race, there ARE cultural differences that you have to deal with, like learning how to care for their hair. I saw it as a gentle but truthful difference of opinion of what Cruise said.

   Posted 26 May 2005 at 7:01 pm ¶

4. carolyn wrote:

   I think the children will have issues later, Oprah should have pushed Tom to live in the real world, outside of his celebrity he has a black child, in most cases it’s not even considered biracial, one drop of black blood in this country still identifies you as black. That is of course not the truth, but the conversation has to become open forum

   Posted 14 Jun 2005 at 7:38 am ¶

5. Doris Jean wrote:

   Oh big deal! Kudos for Tom! Black hair is as much an issue for white people and their white hair, too: they can’t always get it to work the way they want either - so they are out there getting it curled, defrizzed or jamming it up just as much as black folks. Just because Tom and Nicle can afford to get that “black” hair taken care of doesn’t make an ounce of hooey. I think Oprah should have complimented Tom more on his outlook, which I feel is more for “real” than something as frivilous as the texture of someone’s hair.

   Posted 15 Jun 2005 at 1:03 pm ¶

6. Ellen wrote:

   They’re both skirting the issue. Why is she talking about hair so much? She seems to have skipped over anything serious she could have said to combat Tom’s “let it be, race doesn’t exist” attitude. The man shouldn’t be allowed to raise children of a different race, he clearly has no idea what he’s doing.

   Posted 20 Jun 2005 at 1:56 pm ¶

7. Ian wrote:

   I hate to say it, and not intending to be mean or anything, but Tom Cruise is the male equivalent of a Bimbo. He was unable to acknowledge that his kid is black. How very odd. He obviously doesn’t live in the real world. “Color blindness” is absolute PC nonsense. God made people of all colors, why should we pretend that they’re all the same, or that there is not any differences? Variety is the spice of life. I for one am not going around pretending that people are all gray. It’s like flowers… what makes them great is their variety. We don’t go around pretending that red flowers are not red, but rather we revel in their redness.

   Tom Cruise has nothing more than good looks and acting talent. All of his on-screen blather with Oprah could have been spewed by any average person. We must remember not to confuse fame with wisdom.
   Oh, an dto a previous comment, Oprah’s hair as you see it on TV is utterly fake. Go dig up some of her old photos.

   Posted 23 Jun 2005 at 4:57 pm ¶

8. Michelle wrote:

   Considering the behavior this actor has publically engaged in the world of Hollywood, Oprah should have asked if his choice to adopt this kid had anything to do to being perhaps the biological father of this child.(?)
   Now I’ve only had a little psychology while in college, but I found it disturbing Cruise didn’t talk about his biracial son until Oprah asked him and showed him an apparently rather hastely shot unprofessional photo Oprah’s staff apparently found. While Cruise goes on about how the boy’s race doesn’t matter, he doesn’t even refer to him by name as his other children, nor mentioned him in the same intimate sense (such as his favorite things to do, etc)
   Frankly watching the show, I did wish someone like Dr. Phil was there too. Perhaps Phil would have told Oprah,”if Cruise tries to manhandle or grope you again, don’t just laugh it off . You’re going to have to take actions to make him sorry he ever did !”

   Posted 23 Jun 2005 at 9:57 pm ¶

9. Yasmine wrote:

   While Tom Cruise’s comment about his questionable inability to see his son’s race as an issue was a display of his apparent disconnection with the real world, Oprah’s comment was (I think) an attempt to bring him back down to reality. The comment about hair, although not a hugely important issue, was her making a point or trying to get Tom to at least recoginze some slight challenge to raising a black child in today’s world especially in the States. She better than anyone else knows how real the race issue is. As far as her commenting on the daughter of Speilberg having “black girl” hair, I’d like to know what the problem is with that? The same ppl who condemn Cruise for not recognizing reality as it pertains to race should also recognize that there is a difference in hair textures among diff. races. Whats the big deal, its reality right? People who percieved that comment to be negative have personal negative thoughts about “black hair”, or black altogether. As a biracial woman of color I celebrate my ‘black girl hair’, the question should be “why would you have a problem with that comment?”

   Posted 24 Jun 2005 at 12:34 pm ¶

10. Ellen wrote:

    Black hair isn’t something negative, and Oprah wasn’t meaning to be negative in her mention of it. Maybe she was trying to bring some light to a difference between races to Tom, but I think she chose a less important issue than she should have. Getting him to admit that black hair is different from white hair is a pretty small victory. I think she should have made a stronger comment.

    Posted 24 Jun 2005 at 12:49 pm ¶

11. Tammy wrote:

    As a new, white mother of a black 6-month old daughter, I’ve had many discussions with case workers and other adoptive parents, both white and black. Overall, black people do not want non-blacks to look at them and “not” see their color or race. They want to be recognized for all that they are (just like anyone else, any color, for that matter). For Tom Cruise to say that he doesn’t see or notice color is actually very rude. I understand what he’s “trying” to convey, but his comment is belittling to his son and people of color. Eventually, he will be confronted, most likely by his son.

    Posted 26 Jun 2005 at 10:35 pm ¶

12. Stephen wrote:

    A drop of black blood makes you black?? The majority of “whites” have at least one black ancestor. Also, I know some 1/4 black people that call themselves white and are excepted as white. This isn’t civil war times antmore: if you look white and say you white . . . well, you’re white.

    Posted 23 Aug 2005 at 2:12 pm ¶

13. Stephen wrote:

    A drop of black blood doesn’t make you black . . . If it did we’d all be black. Why?? Because after so many generations in this country 95% of whites have at least one black ancestor. Aslo . . . where I live, if you’re mixed race you’re considered mixed and if you are 1/4 black and say you’re white and look white you’re . .. .well, white. You can deny it all tyou want but those are the facts.

    Posted 23 Aug 2005 at 2:17 pm ¶

14. Charlette wrote:

    THis is how all of us should think and get a grip if you change your own sick racist anti free and open world and keep your cloaks of this is my kind of hair and this kind of hair what blah blah blah. Good for Jean I am with her. Get a grip folks there is coming a day when we will all look alike and that is a shade of brown. See you then!!!!

    Posted 23 Aug 2005 at 9:26 pm ¶

15. Charlette wrote:

    I am a racially really mixed race person and no one sees my color or my hair unless they are forcing me to identify as black and I am not.
    People are too caught up in trying to be politically correct instead of human like Tom. Malcolm X said he was for HUMAN RIGHTS, remember at the end he went to Islam and realized we are all in the same boat no matter the color hair or whatever.

    Posted 23 Aug 2005 at 9:30 pm ¶

16. Radical wrote:

    I am soooooooo sick and tired of blacks trying to make biracial people black. I think you people are just jealous that mixed people are more desirable than black people and have better looking features. Most mixed people do not have black peoples hair but a blend of black and white. Mixed people have light skin, thin noses, and softer facial features than blacks. I am white and can always tell the difference. Just face it jealous black people mixed people are more accetable than blacks by whites. I just want to keep it real baby!

    Posted 17 Sep 2005 at 1:03 am ¶

17. Mika wrote:

    Poor, poor Radical. Are you really that starved for attention? Well, in the interest of “keeping it real” and giving you the dose of reality you are soooo desiring, here you go….

    Whether you can do the arithmatic or not, people of mixed heritage come from more than one heritage. There is only one race, the HUMAN race and at this point, it looks like you are loosing it. The beautiful features you so dearly covet come from both parents. How beautiful is the blend without both skin tones? To be Hallie Berry, Rhonda Ross Kendricks or Mya Rudolph, you have to be half Black. That half contributes just as much to the beauty of these people as the White half does. If it did not, White people would not risk illness and sure death to fatten their lips, tan their skin, curl their hair. How many chemicals did you use this morning? Face it, you are just as jealous as the people you are trying to condemn.

    As for the issue of Tom Cruise having a son of mixed heritage, hair is not an issue for boys, they usually cut it off or let it go wild in every ethnicity. Plus, he should not have to explain anything to anyone, least of all Oprah. That is HIS PRIVATE LIFE. It is admirable that he chose the child and that fact is paramount to any other issue, including the child’s genetics.

    Posted 30 Sep 2005 at 4:32 pm ¶

18. Michelle wrote:

    To clear up the confusion about the “one drop of black blood” comment….I am a former police officer and there are/were laws in the penal code of a few states in the south that defined people as Black if they had a drop of black blood, therefore you still may hear people refer to that today even if the comment may not be understood in mainstream America.

    As far as the “Black hair” comment, I am a Black female. I was not offended by the comment because I understood it and …. we often poke humor at it in predominately black movies because it is so much more more than a bad hair day despite what the previous writer believes.

    But, also on the other hand to address the other emailer who commented on the scene from “the wedding” we (some Black women) do get offended when people refer to our “nappy hair” in some contexts because it has been used to hurt us and I think Oprah was trying to use the movie as a vehicle to bring that point across…some of us in the south have all been at a family gathering and heard even some of our own family members make comments about the kids with “good” and “bad” hair.

    Even worse I have felt the effects of family favoring the “lighter-skinned” vs. the “darker-skinned” hearing phrases such as (light, bright and damn-near white) and how attractive they were with their good hair and light skin and pretty eyes…….for those who don’t know we refer to that as “slave-mentality” because during slavery the biracial slave children (fathered by the slave-master) were favored (sometimes educated, slept inside and worked in the house) vs. the darker-skinned slaves in the field. Unfortunately, this has continued within our race/culture and once again we try to find humor in it or attempt to educate people about the problem in predominately Black movies…..one good example is Spike Lee’s School Daze where he tries to bring attention to these very issues (the color discrimination within our race and the hair issue) along with several other issues that people who are not Black or was exposed to Black culture in the south may not be aware of….just like Oprah does and yet it is misunderstood by many because it is not the world they know.

    As far as Tom Cruise and the irrelevance towrd his son’s race….children don’t always question color they just know they have friends …up until environment and self-awareness tells them that something is different. I was totally oblivious to people of Middle eastern descent for a long time as well as other Americans. Then 911 happened and low and behold—-calls began coming into our dispatcher as follows: “there are two arab people in the burger king whispering and you need to go and check it out.” I kid you not!…but understand that previous calls coming in to Dispatch were: there is a black man running down my street and you need to send someone over here to check it out. So you hear some black people speaking of 911 taking the heat off of black males….because this is what was going on in their world. Sometimes people just try to give you a glimpse into their world when they make these comments and because we don’t understand their world we take offense when we know good and well there was no malice there…case in point there was one police call I had when the elderly female I was taking a report from stated, “I once had a little pic-a-ninny that looked just like you” and while smiling gently touched the side of my face. While the female was not intentionally being ugly towards me it hurt so bad. But she was 98 years old and I considered the context…vs. some of the people I arrested calling me that owrd or the n-word only because they wanted to cause me pain and they knew those words would do just that.

    Posted 09 Oct 2005 at 9:42 am ¶

19. Camilla wrote:

    I am biracial and I saw that show. In my opinion, mixed childeren deal with issues reguarding identity and race no matter how they are brought up. Either way they will identify with one race more. I think Tom is wrong to avoid the subject all together because the subject will come up eventually. I understand where he is coming from in that he wants race to be irrelivent (which is how alot of white people feel). On the other hand, most black people are extremely aware of race and want it to be acknowledged. I think it is important for both parents to bring their child up, both aware of their heritage and proud. I think Toms child is in for a rough time because he is biracial, adopted (which brings about other issues), and raised by a movie star. I think Tom is raising his child the only way he knows how. I think Oprah should have asked better questions. I have friends of all races and I was brought up to recognize the beauty in every one. I’ve had problems with discrimination from both sides. I’ve gotten ignorent questions and comments from white people, and a lot of racist and mean comments from black people. I had more trouble with black girls in highschool because I wasn’t black enough and most of their boyfriends made passes at me (infront of them). I had more white friends than black, but I also had more asian friends than white. I think the comments about beauty in relation to mixed childeren are true. Alot of bi racial childeren are beautiful, but I have seen some that aren’t. It’s the mixing of the races that makes the child beautiful, not the “good hair” or “refined features.” I also think that the reason alot of mixed childeren are considered beautiful is because it is more acceptable in the white dominated society. The less black they look, the better. This is not about race or color or anything of that matter, it’s about societies concept of “beauty.” I think “The Bluest Eye,” by Tony Morrison is a good depictor of this subject.

    Posted 18 Oct 2005 at 1:28 pm ¶

20. Liz wrote:

    Thank goodness, Camilla! There is a person with at least a modicum of intellect that can write coherently about this subject. What you’ve said is so true, but to take this even further, I believe that white people have a vested interest in believing that they are superior which in turn means that their features are also just naturally beautiful. They ignore the fact that they have literally flooded the media, especially television with images to glorify “whiteness” while degrading “blackness”. Toni Morrison is certainly an appropriate choice to quote because it was she who exposed the reality that white people have always attempted to depict blackness as the antithesis of whiteness.

    I think that overall the responses here have been interesting. However, from the overwhelming (but not all) number of respondents who identify themselves as being “white” there is still this inability to part with the idea that everything in this country is impacted by race…and gender….and sexuality for that matter. Stop being color blind…don’t accept me because you don’t see my color. Accept me because you respect me, my history, and my color which impacts so much of who I am. Truly, it doesn’t take a rocket science to see this. Again, the unwillingness to see that “race ” as a real and extant part of our culture, and more dangerously the willingness to minimalize race as a tactical “card” that someone plays, is intellectually affronting.

    Oh yeah, by the way Camilla, your reference to black girls being the hardest on you stems from their early socialization that instills in them that black is beautiful when it looks as white as possible. Your mere presence embodied this philosophy and while you reap the benefits of being “beautifully black”, which you were likely considered almost automatically for having whiter features, you also have the flexibility to exist in the gray area which can often spare you a lot of (but not all) of the harsh stereotypes and treatment that dark-skinned women can expect as inevitable.

    As ignorant and assinine as Radical’s statements were, I think that his observation that suggests that animosity exists between blacks and mixed people may have veracity. There is animosity but it isn’t because blacks wish they were white or looked white, it exists because blacks are frustrated with a society that ascribes beauty to blackness only when it resembles whiteness.

    One more thing, Tom does appear to be a brainless man who should probably not procreate and yes Oprah should have pressed him more to answer real questions. Tom’s celebrity is based upon his populariy and one has to expect that personal privacy is a small price to pay for the $10 million paycheck that his fan-base affords him.

    Just a thought….I know this got a bit off the subject, but I had to write this.

    Posted 18 Oct 2005 at 3:52 pm ¶

21. ASSimilator wrote:

    Tom is in obvious phony denial.

    And I guess obviously his kids are getting raised default “White” since he doesn’t even acknowledge their Black side. This is similar to how Native Americans got culturally and genetically “bred out” into a homeopathic “Cherokee Grandmother” phenomenom…

    Posted 19 Dec 2005 at 9:17 am ¶

22. onika wrote:

    Wow!! We humans are the most intelligent creatures on the planet and we can’t get over ourselves. I had a baby 9 months ago and truly believe that we are all perfect, we are all beautiful. We are also very vain!! Tom is a MOVIE STAR! He is a make believe human. Does he really believe what he says half the time? Who knows!!

    Race is a ‘non-issue’ issue. Do what Krishna, Shiva, Buddha, Christ and other great humans before us have advised, LOVE YOURSELF AND YOUR ENEMIES ( hard as hell to do). When you do this people will see you, not your gender or your race and you will see the reality of who we humans really are.

    Stay beautiful and don’t believe the distracting ‘ism’ Hype!!!

    Posted 23 Dec 2005 at 5:54 pm ¶

23. Jasmine wrote:

    I am biracial, with a Scottish father and a Trinidadian mother. While I can see the focus of this issue centers on the standard American “black/white” mixing, there are many other mixes out there that are even sub-standard to the black/white mixed child simply because those are the two opposing ‘extremes’ of race as society would deem it and most other mixes are just lesser blends. I grew up in a dense city area, which as a result had a great mixture of cultures.
    As a child, my biraciality never came up, when people asked what I was I simply replied with my background was, without caring. It was not until I was in my teens where race became an issue. It is safe to say that children generally do not care about race until adults impose society’s biases and perceptions of race upon them.
    Once I started high school, I had to deal with black people claiming I wasn’t black enough and therefore unaccepted by them because my mother was a Trinidadian-Indian, and regardless of the fact our parents grew up on the same island, I did not count as part of them. When I went to Trinidad, the Indians and the blacks both called me ‘the white girl’.
    To white people, I was simply brown. When I travelled to my father’s hometown and around Britain, I was pointed out as brown and obviously outcast from groups there, without anyone bothering to ask my background. I have been turned down from jobs because I was not ‘white enough’ even here in Canada, although never stated as quite such.

    It seems that it doesn’t matter where you go, someone wants to talk about biracial people not fitting in. I have a close wonderful group of friends consisting of other mixed people, asians, hispanics and caucasians. We joke about race, as we joke about gender, but at the end of the day, while we all deal with our own personal issues, race is simply only a factor that other people impose upon you. I have long transgressed the need to fit myself in a biracial box, and simply claim I have the benefits of two wonderful cultures. If anyone else chooses to define me by my race, while it can be frustrating at times, that is their choice, and it only affects me if I choose to let it.
    Irrespective of what society deems me, and no matter how many times I have to tick off “Other” or “None of the Above” when my race is asked, and the fact that no one cares what my actual mix is and it is not an issue unless it is a black/white mix, cannot phase me unless I let it.
    So, while Tom may not have the most balanced outlook on claiming he doesn’t see his child’s colour, and he may want to balance it with a light approach simply discussing it with his son, those of you who claim he is ignorant for not choosing to completely saturate his son in racial issues are no better than he. There is always a balance, and living your life based on race is no answer. His child should not be forced into any racial issues, but when the time is right should be talked to, and let to decide on his own how he wants to deal with it. He will be not better off never forgettting his race than he would be to entirely forget it.

    Remember, it’s not your colour, it’s your culture.

    Posted 07 Jan 2006 at 3:34 pm ¶

24. KayStar wrote:

    I think some of you are missing the issue. It’s not just about Tom not ackowledging that his son is biracial, it’s about said biracial child being 1) adopted and 2) raised in a family where everyone else is white. Tom’s son is the ONLY person in the family with black blood, that I know of. His sister is white, his dad is white and his mom is white. If he hangs out in the states, he may get some exposure to other ethnicities. If he’s in Australia (with Nicole) he probably gets very little.

    Denying a biracial heritage when at least one parent is of each race isn’t so bad because the child can at least identify with the parent he or she looks like and ask questions if he/she wants to. Tom’s son has no one to talk to, no one to ask if he had questions, and it appears, no one who is willing to talk to him about being biracial even if he wants to. He’s a biracial child in an almost completely white arena, and that’s bound to cause some issues with him later on. I think Tom and Nicole should have been counseled on raising a biracial child before they were allowed to adopt him, but the rich don’t have the same rules and the child is the one who is going to suffer.

    Posted 07 Jan 2006 at 9:41 pm ¶

25. monkeylumps wrote:

    Tom Cruise doesn’t come across as the sharpest tool in the shed most times (the whole Katie Holmes business is annoying). However, we all have moments where somebody puts us on the spot and we don’t say the most “politically correct” things.

    My feelings on this? The little boy should definitely be exposed to both elements of his heritage. His racial identity will be more defined (by himself) if he is. I personally don’t see race in this country as being completely irrelevant, because America is probably the most racist country in the world. This kid will need a solid self-esteem no matter what. Both black people and white people can be VERY cruel/insensitive to mixed children, despite the myth that all black people accept mixed people into their community. He will need to know how to deal with this if it ever does become an issue. On the other hand, the problem of race will never go away if people don’t confront the issue within themselves.

    I’ve heard it said that everyone, even the most “tolerant” peaceful individual, has deep-seated prejudice. I believe there’s truth to this statement. Many black people feel that if a white woman adopts or raises black/mixed children, she won’t be able to give them proper care or grooming, esp. with hair. I believe this is only an issue if the white woman in particular has few or no black friends to show her what to do. Many people don’t realize, as well, that there are different hair types within mixed people like any other. Not all mixed children will have “black” hair. My own hair is light brown/blonde and naturally pin-straight. There is no real difference in black or white children, but our racially obsessed society sees differences. Both need love and care and most of all-a healthy sense of who they are as people, human beings. It is not healthy to raise a biracial child in an all-white OR all-black community…there should be exposure to different cultures, different people.

    Posted 23 Aug 2006 at 9:17 pm ¶

26. Tashi wrote:

    I get so angry at people for raising the issue of whites adopting blacks or any interracial adopting, when there are so many unwanted black and brown children in this country. Who cares what color the parents are as long as they have a home, love and the opportunity of an education? Once a year in Oakland, CA there is an adoption fair that is heart breaking. These children 18 and under go to a fair and hope some nice family will take them home, most don’t get picked. These kids don’t care about what color there mom and dad will be, as long as they get picked to be apart of a loving family (gay or straight, balck or white). They are just like anyone else they want to be loved and to love. Those who don’t get picked usually finish up there days in a foster home, and then get thrown out when they turn 18, because they are no longer the responsibility of the state.

    And the cycle starts all over again

    So who cares about hair, love is what is kids and parents, every thing else will fall into place. I applaud Tom Cruise for not making an issue of race, if more people in this country where more like Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman maybe more children would have a family and love in there life.

    Conner Cruise is a lucky kid he has two loving and caring parents, which is hard to find in any race in America.

    Posted 17 Sep 2006 at 2:36 pm ¶

27. Tashi wrote:

    By the way I am a biracial black woman born in Sweden but grew up in the East Bay. I think blacks in this country are being held back by there own anger and bitterness towards whites, move on they have. Stop crying and do something for yourself instead of worrying about everyone else. There is not a black person in this country that can’t get into college if they wanted to. I do realize that children of uneducated parents white or black will have a harder time getting out of that cycle. The poor and uneducated people of all races breed more poor and uneducated people and the cycle continues, just like hatred breeds hatred. But instead of crying over what white people are thinking, go to your local state or City College and see what programs are out there for our young black youths. They all have them and they are for free. San Francisco State University has a program called Project Rebound http://www.sfsu.edu/~rebound/ and they will hold each child’s hand through college. They have an incredible program that works with prisoners and ex-cons, they get in no matter what.

    Do what you can to change the cycle, it takes a village to raise a child. Hopefully I can get just one out by just passing on the above information.

    Posted 17 Sep 2006 at 3:06 pm ¶

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